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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I understand that this is a difficult topic for strangers to give me advice on, but worth a try.I came on holiday to Australia from England 4 years ago and met a man. Being only 25 at the time i took the 'go with the flow approach' and we have had a good relationship (we've had our ups and downs) for 4 years!Time really has just passed me by and now I'm starting to panic about settling down away from my family.I'm 29 now. He's 34. He wants to settle and have babies. He has no desire what so ever to spend any time in England. He has visited my family with me once but has made it clear he will never live there.Day to day we are happy. But deep down I feel so so guilty about being away from my family. His family are ok, hos friends are ok but they certainly don't feel like my own. I love him. I love my lifestyle here, but feel I would never truly be happy without my family. There is no chance of my family moving here.I also feel i will regret it if i move home and may never get over him and never meet anyone who i love as much as him.My best friend says if I really loved him I wouldn't think twice about leaving my family for him, but in reality I love my family so much too. I've missed so many birthdays, funerals, weddings. It makes me so sad and feel so guilty.I'm.so torn it breaks my heart everyday.Has anyone been in a similar situation?Thank you.
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best friend, no desire, on holiday, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 October 2017):
 Only you can make this decision am afraid. All I can say is if you really saw your future with him then you would happily stay in Australia and make yearly visits home. Lots off children up root and move and start there own family. As Denizen said maybe move back for a few months and see how you feel then if you can both do long distance. I agree it is not fair that you do all the sacrificing but it sounds like he is not willing to budge so either you get married and have a family in Australia, or you move home and be with your family but be single. Honey only you can make that choice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2017): That's a very difficult decision that you face! I think you also need to consider the situation any future children will grow up in. Would his family help out with child care, would yours, are there better job opportunities in one country or another. How about you move to a country in between so you can visit both UK and Australia more easily. Maybe you could agree to 5 years in one country then 5 years in the other...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2017): I have been in a similar situation. I never felt 'at home' and always had a feeling deep down I would return home. I had children and it made it almost impossible to ever see how I could ever 'go home'. It did get a little easier over the years but I was never 'settled'. Eventually I did return home after ten years- with kids in tow. I was so so happy to be home again and have never ever regretted going home. I have and still do regret the years I missed being away from my family. I'm not telling you want to do - just sharing MY experience. Also, I did love again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2017): I meant to say:
(3)..."His family are ok, hos friends are ok but they certainly don't feel like my own."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2017):
I want you to read this over to yourself several times:
(1)..."I would never truly be happy without my family."
(2)..."He wants to settle and have babies. He has no desire what so ever to spend any time in England. He has visited my family with me once but has made it clear he will never live there."
(2)..."His family are ok, hos friends are ok but they certainly don't feel like my own."
Is he going to marry you before you start pushing-out babies?
Why are you the one making all the sacrifices?
Never tell yourself that you can never love or meet anyone you can love as much as him. Sorry, but he doesn't love you enough to give-up his family, country, and friends. He even went so far as to tell you he has no desire whatsoever to spend any time in England. Not even for your sake???
Why is it always women who uproot and displace their lives to chase men for love; but hardly ever the other way around?
Please give your children a father who also happens to be your husband! He's a boyfriend, not even your fiance!!!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (15 October 2017):
I'm in the US my daughter's boyfriend is an Aussie. She is there visiting him now on a long term visa. If she decides to settle down with him my heart will be broken and I know she will be deeply sad. But I love her and I want her to be happy I'm sure your family wants the same for you. But growing up and moving away is what a lot of children do.
If you marry and settle down there be sad for what you are leaving behind it take joy in what you and your love will be building.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 October 2017):
 I'm sorry you find yourself in this bind. My best suggestion is that you arrange to go home for six months and see how you feel about everything. A solid relationship can survive a six months break. A little time apart from him, and with your family, might allow you to get the right perspective on your problem.
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