A
female
age
41-50,
*ig Apple Gurl
writes:So this is what's going on with me - my current boyfriend (fiance now actually) and I have been together for just about four years (living together for two of those four). He is THE SWEETEST man I have even been with. He is my fourth serious relationship: the first boyfriend was physically abusive; the second one--he and I started out as friends, tried a relationship for a couple of years and then reverted to friendship; the third one, we broke up four years ago because of his parents and also because of a girl that his parents had rather he be with. This third boyfriend is the cause of all my woes now, because our relationship was INTENSE - we were - and maybe still are - passionately in love!! I have never felt this way about any of my other boyfriends, not even now for my fiance the way I feel about b/f#3, and the feeling is mutual. So, he happened to be in town this week and suggested that we meet last night just to catch up on old times and have a couple of drinks. Also we kept in touch occasionally via the internet. This is the first time that I saw him in person after four years. So I agreed to meet up with him and needless to say, we ended up spending the night together at his place where we hooked up, not once, not twice, not three times, nor four times...but five times for the night! Apart from the sex it was really nice, we cooked and chitty-chatted all night long and it really made me realize just how much I miss him and how much I am still in love with him, even more than my fiance.He has asked to see me again and I am willing to do this, but my problem is that I do not want to hurt my fiance (which I probably have already started doing without him knowing). For the last four years my fiance has been SUPER great to me, he is one of the few good men out there and I don't want to jeopardize what we have as I know I will be marrying a good and stable man, but my ex (b/f #3) has a significant hold on my heart and even if I don't want to, I find myself wanting to be with him over and over again.By the way, b/f #3 is not in a relationship currently and a couple of times while we were speaking he brought up our future together with regards to children and marriage but he has not said anything directly to me and I believe it is because I told him from the get-go that under no circumstances do I want to leave my fiance for him - but in reality if he were serious I would highly consider it. I am really confused now and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt my fiance but I can't seem to send my ex on his way. Please advise!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): You have a GREAT guy. Now you are about to mess it all up. You will end up losing your fiance. He will end up finding out all about your LOVE for your ex and he will be destroyed. I hope he doesn't harm himself because of you. Maybe he will just move on and find the real love out there somewhere for him because it is obviously not you. Let him go before you ruin his life worse than you already have. Your fiance is the only one out of the three of you who deserves to be happy since he didn't cheat or lie or do anything deceitful and he is the one who will suffer the most. I hope you learn from this that relationships in threes do not work out. Too bad you are hung up on an ex. You cheated AND you are still in love with him and now you're about to marry someone else, live with him, spend his money, accept gifts from him. Meanwhile you are sleeping with another man and letting him live in your heart while NOT telling any of this to the man who trusts and loves you? This ruins many relationships. It will ruin yours.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): uugh You want your cake and eating too.This will only end badly because you seem to have no self control or plain just don't care, so what if your ex had something intense or whatever? You committed yourself to someone now you're breaking that commitment. Do you really want to marry someone you seem to have no respect for, someone you're readily willing to lie to? You're marrying someone under false pretenses, you even go as far as to say if this other guy commits to you you'd even think about it, that says it all really doesn't it? So what happens when you settle down with your "nice sweetest" husband things get a little dull because that spark wasn't there to begin with and your ex comes calling?This cycle will keep repeating itself and someone will definitely get hurt, so do the right thing, either break off all communication with ex (which likely wont happen) or be honest with your fiancé and tell him you cheated (which likely wont happen). Leave him and let him be with someone who's not with him under false pretenses and you can have the wildest most passionate sex guilt free..mind you, you didn't sound particularly like you felt all that guilty anyway.Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): "he is one of the few good men out there and I don't want to jeopardize what we have"You have already destroyed what you had, with emphasis on "had". It is all past tense now.What you have is a pack of lies now.Do the right thing, leave him, and get your head on straight before you start screwing over someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): You are not treating your fiance right at all. Well, now you've got yourself the SWEETEST man and you are engaged. But you can't seem to send your ex on his way. THAT is in your power. Or better yet, break up with your fiance and let HIM go find the true love of HIS lifeGuess it sounds like he is not the true love of YOUR life. You love some EX. It is not your fiance's fault that you and your ex were broken apart and now you found someone else. You owe it to your fiance to STOP talking to your exes or just let your fiance GO.
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