A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in need of some help or advice perhaps. It all started back in November of 2009. I met this girl through friends. For awhile we simply talked on the phone and never met.It wasnt until February that we took the dive and met. I remember that day. We saw AVATAR and enjoyed each others company.From there the relationship escalated. While I lived in Northern CA she lived in southern but I worked down there so spending time monthly was not a problem. She came up north with me for a week. Having never been here I showed her everything. Things were good, sex was great and our chemistry was awesome. When we came back she got a little distant and almost called it off. She was cryptic saying that maybe this long distance thing wasnt working. At this point we almost seperated but ended up working through it. I eventually moved closer to work down south and her and I got really close. She picked out the furniture in my apartment and things looked good. During this time she had introduced me to people she considered like family. Having moved here herself 7 years ago from another state these people where all she really knew from a family perspective. One of them was a woman who was like her best friend. This girl and her both had their ups and downs. Apparently my ex dated this guy once for 3 years. He was her first everything and when they broke up officially my ex moved on. 3 years later my exes BFF decided to make a pass at this guy whom she was friends with first and my ex got upset over the whole ordeal despite the fact that she was dating someone new.Well I met this girl and my girlfriend at the time told me all of their history. I kept my distance never interfering but was nice and respectful to them.November 2010 comes around and we go up north again for a week to visit my family. things are great and upon our return my ex gets distant. So distant that she cant kiss or even hold me.The signs pointed to another man but I couldnt pin point it. Things got bad and we had a very bad break up while watching a movie in a theater.After our break up her BFF felt bad for me. I had moved 500 miles and didnt know many people so she took me in and befriended me.We hung out and had a great time being just friends. nothing more. My ex found out and while she was hurt she couldnt do anything as we werent together. Now I admit I did throw it in my exes face how this girl was a better friend and how she actually treated me like a human when my ex treated me like a cold hearted snake.I later found out some news. This BFF informed me that my ex had a crush on this guy for many years. That during the first spazz attack we had she had actually spent time with him. Nothing happend as the guy never reciprocated but still she had feelings for him which explained why she wanted to end things with me.The november thing also was a part of this as well. they were texting each other simple things and she felt those feelings again for him.We played the back and forth game through Feb with me finally calling it off and mving on. From that point on me and my exes BFF became closer. We hung out daily, did many things and had tons of fun. I was actually myself again enjoying life and living it up.People swore me and this new girl would hook up but out of respect I never took action. It ended when my ex showed up at my door at 4am in the morning. she talked, told me about the other guy and then said how sorry she truly was. I admitted that what I did was also wrong. She expressed how it hurt her that I was friends with her BFF and that I shouldnt have done what I did. Together we tried to work on it but it failed... bad..I simpy could not trust her the way I used to. I tried but when she would get evasive or secretive about things I immediately questioned it.We broke up a second time in april 2011. I went back to being friends with the BFF and to be honest have spent alot of time with her as of late. She also very attractive and very fun. The complete opposite of my ex. while my ex is more dynamic regading how she dyes her hair red, has blue eyes, has piercings and tattoos this new girl is more conservative but is also very pretty as well.Im very confused. My ex has reached out to me and states that she is open to working on this. that I hurt her very bad by putting her BFF in the middle of our relationship and how she knows this girl likes me. My ex claims that I should have never did this.I argue that I was lonely had no friends and my intentions were good. that I did not try to ever pursue a relationship with this girl. that she was nothing more than a great friend who wanted to hang out with me while I was alone.So now im confused. I love my ex, we have a great past its just that recently things got all messed up. But at the same time Im starting to like this new girl. Im myself around her, trust her and we have so much fun. Friends tell me to go for her... but I cant seem to let my ex go...Help me people. I want to make the right decision. Im just so confused. Do I leave this new friend of mine to try to work things out with my ex? My ex gave me this guilt trip basically saying that she isnt worth me waiting for her to get over the "drama" that happened between us. My ex also states that Ive broken her heart and that I need to wear my heart on my sleave while she rebuilds the trust that we once had. She said it would take time but that I no longer have 100% of her heart because I broke it twice. That she would be open to dating others if the opportunity presented itself but that right now she is all me.I confronted her about this and she stated that what she meant was she isnt going to put all her love to me until I prove that I can be trusted.My counter was that she lied to me initally about this guy twice which is why she left me. That I never did cheat on her. However she says that what i did was worse than cheating and that she wishes I did cheat as it would be an easier fix. she claims that I btrayed her trust by becoming friends with this girl and by placing her in the middle.Im so confused. Do I drop this girl while I try to patch things up with my ex? This isnt even a guarantee... or do I say Se la vie to my ex and pursue something with this new girl?help////
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): Well i love my ex and we've had awesome and great times. I just dont understand why she pulls away at times. We are trying to work on it but its just so hard when my feelings are intense and she cant even hold my hand. She claims i hurt her bad and ripped her heart out by being close to this BFF.
There is a history between them. Apparently te BFF dated the ex boyfriend of my ex years ago and even tho my ex had a new relationship at the time it still bothered her.
I enjoy the bff but there is no spark there like there is with my ex. Its tough. I dont know what to do. Do i wait for my ex to come around again. She calls me and hangs with me but there is zero affection and it drives me wild. Or do i pursue the new one with the risk of losing my ex forever. Its tough
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): yeah u should say bu bye to ur ex because well look at the way ur relationship has went and it sounds like ur ex is the kind of girl who isnt opptimistic and a bit depressing and the other girl (her Bff or something right) sounds a bit more right for u more fun and happy it sounds like u dont like ur ex as much as the other girl
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