A
female
age
36-40,
*rissy27blue
writes:So I dated this guy C on and off for around 4 years..We met when I was 21 and he was 22(was about to turn 23 in December of that year) at the same community college while taking Pre-Calculus.We went on to date,graduate with our Associate Degrees from the same community college and transfer to the same university.He came to the same university as I did in part because they had a good computer science and digital forensics program and because I was there. So we had a dysfunctional relationship but we loved each other to pieces.We were on and off a lot but we grew as our relationship grew,we kept each other sane and grounded.He took me fishing and taught me to fish,paintballing,clubbing,etc and we had a lot of our firsts that we did together.We loved spending time together and our first year together we both wanted to travel to Europe to see my grandparents(I am from Romania) and then visit Paris.That was put off year after year with summer school and so forth. I have never spent a single birthday since I have met C together which is sad because I was always traveling for 2 years,one year I was in Dallas and I broke up with him and last year he asked me out to dinner for my 25th b-day but I turned him down after we split mutually(I was once again spending more family time).In June 2009 we split up for good on good terms due to differences but remain amazing friends and call each other when time permits.So this summer I am taking my last class to graduate and well my family said yes that he can come with us on this family trip that we are taking in July-beg. of August.My dad's co. where he works at was bought and some changes happened and we were not sure if we were going to live in the same place or sell our home or what.So we called off the trip.Last week the trip was back on but the catch is not to tell the ex.I was mad at my own family because at first they said yes and now they said no.My ex C saved up idk how much money to come on this trip with the airplane ticket being at least $1400.He really wanted to see where I grew up,meet my extended family that we have there and my grandparents which he has heard so much about.All in all I am telling him that idk about the trip and I am lieing thru my teeth which hurts me to do so. Before the trip was back on C asked me to go traveling with him for 2 weeks only him and I to see Romania and Paris.I loved the idea and was about to tell my family until well they came up with the idea of the family trip again.I love my family but everything we do is family family and family.I am 25 and will be 26 and feel as though I am not treated as I should be.I have made major mistakes one after another and have tried to straighten my life but even so my parents are overprotective.C was going to wait for me until I was going to graduate but he stopped because I do everything my family and parents say and he cannot take it any more.He just feels that I should stand up for what I believe and that I am old enough to be independent.I want this trip to be my graduation gift and nothing more.I want to travel with C though and see the world thru new eyes.I love my family to pieces but no matter what choice I make either C or my family with get hurt.If I choose C my sister will be mad at me,my parents will tell me who knows what such as how C and I are not together and how this is wrong.We are friends and nothing more.If I choose my family I have to tell C and C will be left out and he will be mad at me or wonder why my family does not want him to come all of a sudden after he went thru all the trouble of saving up money,talking with his boss about taking time off and dealing with getting a passaport.I do feel as though I am stuck and do not know what to do. C has asked me on more than one occasion or rather proposed that we should travel together but him and I are just ex's.Even so for Christmas we bought each other $150 presents(he bought me an iPod nano and $60 worth of truffles) while I bought him preppy sweaters and hoodies which he needed. For each other's b-day we also give the other a pretty hefty gift:for his b-day I gave him a Sony docking station for his iPhone and he is about to give me my present since my b-day is in July.I know it seems that we are crazy but we have been in each other's life for almost 5 years...So what should I do with the whole trip?I do want to go and explore the world on my own.If I go with C my family thinks that I turn my back on them.But C will come with me to Romania to meet the grandparents,visit where I grew up,etc and then we will probably go to either Italy or Paris. If I go with my parents it is seeing my grandparents, then Paris and then Madrid.Any ideas on what I should do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bomb2348 +, writes (25 May 2010):
oh man.. i cant believe no one has answered that question. i dont think your family is treating him the way he should be treated. its really rude. do you even know why they dont want him to come?
they are treating you like your still under 18. its not right. i wouldnt be able to enjoy myself on the trip if i knew that he was sitting there all alone..
if you dont tell him, i can almost guarantee you hes going to find out eventually.. and when he does, it will cause big problems between the two of you and hes going to take it personally. you need to find a way to tell him that even though you dont agree, your family wants strictly family to come.
if you dont talk to your family about the way they treat you and your friend, it will only continue and they will keep treating you like a child. they may be upset, but they need to learn they cant manipulate you any longer. you know what i mean?
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