A
female
age
,
*overgirl3
writes:Dear Cupid I am a hard working 50 years old young women, lol. I am searching for some good advice . I have been married 10 years, but has been in and out of prison the majority of those. When he did time I did time with him.All that I have been through with him I have stayed faithful and unmovable.As I write this he is doing time again, 8 years. Recently I have met someone who has been treating me like a queen and being that I have never got that from my husband I have been feeling so special . At first I felt so guilty going out with him because I have cheated on my husband. I need some help I torn between a husband and a lover. I don't want to lose my lover because my has husband promised me so many things will when he get home, but it happens. If I give up my lover and stay with husband and don't change then I will have lost both. What should I do?
View related questions:
cheated on my husband Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 I think this is one situation where you need to be totally selfish.
Forget the morality of any of it. Forget whether or not anyone else is going to get hurt. Concentrate on what really will be best for you, because no one is innocent here - I'm assuming that your lover knows you are married.
You don't need to make any irreversible decisions right now, and you have no need to feel any guilt. Normal rules don't apply. This is not a normal situation. Your husband is absent through his own actions, not through something unavoidable. No one in their right mind would expect you to remain "faithful" for 8 years. Similarly, your lover is no pillar of morality if he's having an affair with a married woman.
I would suggest that you are absolutely honest with your lover and tell him that you don't know what you will do in the future. Tell him that you might go back to your husband, but tell him you thoroughly enjoy being with him and don't want to lose him right now. Leave the decision of whether or not you break with your husband until a few months before he is due to be released. As you say, your lover is "recent". You have the opportunity to get to know him very much better before you make a commitment - exactly the same as if you were single except that you have a very definite time limit on making your decision.
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
I agree with tellulah, You husband has constantly kept you there with false promises he really has not been around and its easy to fill someones head with these promises if you want someone to be there for you while you are in need. And you husband is in need love..If your husband really loved you then he would be there for you not going into prison for yrs hoping that you will be there when he comes out only to probably go back in again as it seems like he has problems keeping out of trouble...Ask yourself sweetheart are you happy for the first time in along time? If the answer to that is yes then enjoy your life and dont hold on to someone that is not there for you, Its time now you thought of you... TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Hi,
If your husband has let you down with false promises before then its unlikely that it will be any different when he comes out this time.
Put it this way! he is serving another 8 years. When he comes out you will be nearly 60. If he does go in again after that, he will probably do even more time. How old will you be then?
I look at it this way! Do you want to spend the rest of your life on your own? because I think you will if you stay with the husband. OR!!! you just might find happiness with this other guy, and spend the rest of your life in a loving relationship.
I am your age in a couple of years, and I know which one I would take a chance on. And it certainly wouldnt be the guy who is nipping in and out of prison like its a holiday camp. You have to ask yourself, how much does your husband love you, to let spend all this time on your own. It's not like you have not given him chances before is it.
If you do decide on your lover though, remember to be honest with your husband. And let him know that you are no longer willing to put your life aside because of the way he wants to live his.
Good luck Honey XX
...............................
A
female
reader, mima  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 well, this is complicated a bit. you sound like you love your husband so much. if your lover could give you so mush joy then why leave him for a never staying home husand. you are stressing your self for someone's troule. think
...............................
|
