Torn because of my loyalties.....

A female age 30-35, *orn614 writes:

Hi everyone. Unique situation. My best friend (girl) was dating this girl, and they just decided to be friends after a few months. Her stepfather and my friend have been in a relationship since August 2009. The complexities come into play because he is still involved with her ex-g/f's mother. When she confided in me, I didn't know what to say. There's a 28 year age difference, and they are trying to keep it away from his stepdaughter because she was really in love with my bestie, and it would break her heart. How should I go about being a supportive friend in this situation? I'm friends with her ex, and it makes it very awkward because she suspects that something is going on. She went as far as to look in her stepfathers phone, and she saw my bestie's new number in the calls list. I can't tell a grown woman what to do, but I'm having a hard time supporting it because if her ex and her ex's mother find out, all parties will be hurt. My best friend is like I love him, and I'm thinking, "Why can't you do things the right way because if you don't so many people are going to get hurt?" The guy is forever saying I'm not happy with her and I'm going to leave her for you. Its definitely a Sugarland-Stay type of situation. How do I maintain the two friendships when I don't support my bestie's decision, and I don't want to hurt our mutual friend by pretending as if I don't know a thing? Has anyone ever been in a situation like that?

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A male reader, Kenj  +, writes (9 March 2010):

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