A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my vagina is WAY too tight to have sex. it hurts if i try to use a dildo when i masturbate, and my muscles are so tight that there is simply no way to fit a normal sized penis in there. and if there was some way to forcibly insert, sex would be painful and uncomfortable.as a result, im TERRIFIED of how awkward first time sex would be. after i broke up with my insane boyfriend from highschool, i wanted to find someone that i actually WANTED to be with (unlike him) instead of just settling, and as a result i was very single for a really long time. and this just makes it a million times worse. i have never enjoyed casual sex, and i want to at least explore that aspect of my life. i'm not a prud-ish person, and i just want to be more relaxed.i'm young. this is a time when i should be experimenting with sexuality. please help!!! what can i do?? is this normal? or common?
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broke up, dildo, muscle, too tight, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, fat b gone +, writes (8 July 2009):
I know that you've gotten advice from other women so I want to give you a man's perspective. If a woman is tense, and I mean really nervous, her man is going to be able to tell. My wife used to get really tense when we first met. Not all the time though, just some times. When this happened her vagina tensed up and sex was impossible. This is normal. I've talked to friends of mine who have gone through the same thing with their wives and girl friends. You have to be able to talk to your lover, and be honest with him. If you can't because you are afraid that your feelings are going to be hurt, then maybe you are with someone that you don't really trust yet. You might as well accept this now but in love you are going to be hurt and you are going to hurt someone else, but if you are so afraid of being hurt that you can't bare your soul to someone you love you are going to be very lonely. I don't think a woman is a slut if she has sex with a man who she isn't in a committed relationship with but she should be able to trust the man.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Hello. I am 49 years old and had sex for the first time at 24. My first time was not pleasant at all because I wasn't relaxed and ready for sexual penetration. It hurt like a b--ch! My daughter is your age. I understand how you feel. You are so young. You have time to find someone who excites you sexually. The two of you should perform some foreplay first, to relax you and get you ready for sex. Don't be in a hurry (or let him hurry you) into sex before you are ready. I am not a sex therapist, but I think what you are going through is normal. I believe your body is telling you that you are not ready yet. If you find yourself in another relationship and cannot have comfortable sex with him, I suggest talking to someone you trust (e.g. doctor, best friend, mother). I hope I was able to help you with this issue. Mother-figure
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): I've never tried a dildo, but after the first few times I had sex I thought the same thing as you - that I was too tight for it. I think what you're going through is perfectly normal. Dildos are pretty big, right? They're probably a lot thicker than most guys so it's hard to start out using them. My first partner was pretty average sized, but it was really hard to fit inside me and it really hurt so I had to make him stop. With my second partner it didn't hurt nearly as much and I think it was because I was much more relaxed. Somehow, even after the first attempt at sex, I was still nervously unconsciously tightening myself up with that first guy. Then I had a few years' break after the second boyfriend and by my third I was starting to enjoy it and could loosen myself up more to fit him in. Now with my fourth it is just phenomenal! So I think you shouldn't worry about it, being worried will only make it more difficult by making you tighten up. When you get a partner, make sure you feel comfortable with what you do with him, so that unconsciously you'll start out more relaxed with him. Also being with someone you actually want to be with will make a huge difference!!!
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