A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with a guy for over a year. Without going too much into that relationship- we got engaged at the very end and were only engaged for a few weeks. Being engaged to him made me realize that something was not right between us. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him. At first I broke off the engagement, and then it was just a matter of days until we were altogether broken up. For the record, before this I had never been engaged before. Also, we did not live together.He's had a lot harder of a time getting over this than I have. It's not that I am unfeeling and did not value the relationship, but emotionally, once it was over, I was done with it and decided to move on immediately (not call him anymore.. etc). I never looked back because I knew that we were not right together.Now it's been about 2.5 months and I've already met another guy (just a couple weeks ago). I told myself that I would wait to date someone until I thought I found the ONE. But I do feel like this guy is the one. It's crazy and something I've never felt before. Mainly I'm concerned that if / when the Ex finds out, it will look really bad that I technically went from being engaged- to being with a new guy in such a short period of time. But at the same time, I don't want to let the new guy go just because I feel like my Ex wouldn't approve. Thoughts / opinions? Is it too soon to move on? Am I a terrible person?
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engaged, move on, my ex, period Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. They were very helpful. To "So Very Confused," yes- it's important to take things slowly and make sure I'm not just on the rebound. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 You can’t find THE ONE if you don’t date…
You were very wise and very brave to end the engagement and the relationship when you did… a very hard thing to do.
You need to NOT care what your ex thinks.. he’s an EX… he won’t be happy but sadly for him, that's not your problem.
Your time table is yours alone, If you are attracted to someone, then go for it.. just go very slowly and be careful…. And don’t worry what others think. Gawd if I lived my life to make others happy I’d be nuts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): Firstly, you're not a terrible person. Feelings can and do change all the time, and in this case it sounds like your feelings for your ex changed before it got too serious (marriage). You even say yourself that you "knew that we were not right together".
However, you are still pretty fresh out of your previous relationship, which leaves me concerned that this new guy may end up being a so-called 'rebound relationship'. You may subconsciously be thinking that this new guy is "the one" because you may be making up for the shortcomings of your previous relationship. There are bound to be a myriad of websites, webpages, and articles that cover rebound relationships, so you may find looking some of them up and reading them beneficial to you.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, 5ftsweet +, writes (26 June 2012):
Just my opinion, but I don't think anyone can say when is "too soon to move on." Different people take different amounts of time to get over a failed relationship. If you're ready, you're ready.
Why does your ex have to know you are dating someone else? Do you live in a small enough community that he would find out anyway? If not, I just wouldn't tell him. I think that would be a situation where ignorance is bliss.
You're not a terrible person. You're doing what's right for yourself. He will find someone else sooner or later.
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