A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My bf n i have been dating for almost 4 yrs now. I sometimes fear that he doesn't find me attractive bc of my height. Hes 5 11 n im 4 11. Even though ge nvr brings up height as an issue for us i feel like im too short for him n just not sexy enough for him. He finds women who r between 5 3 n 5 7 n obviously im no where near that. Ive asked him if my height bothers him but he always says that for him its nvr been an issue. Hes always called me cute n when i get upset n tell him that he nvr calls me sexy he makes sure he does bur i feel like he only does it bc of me n otherwise he wouldn't. We r really good friends n very close with each other. Hes 27 n im 24 so we r taking our relationship seriously but i know he can do better than me especially in terms of height. I have a pretty face n he likes that but since im already insecure about height Im afraid its made me insecure in my relationship as well. I just don't think he finds me sexy enough bc I don't have the nice legs he sees in every other women taller than me or maybe im just overthinking this. Any advice on what i could do to feel better about this whole thing? Thanks guys!
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 May 2016):
No one is perfect but you can be perfect for each other. If you want to take the relationship seriously you should begin by focusing on things more than just looks. Yes you are short, and asking anyone a million times isn't going to change that. You bf is with you, so that should be some kind of indication for something. The more you focus on the negative, the more you belittle the relationship and his decisions so try to avoid doing this anymore and try to move BEYOND this.
A
male
reader, Not good enough  +, writes (14 May 2016):
Cute face, not obsese and 4'11
My god girl, you are a dream to most of us guys.
as far as legs, guys like them where they join together. Long calfs or thighs meh. Butts are attractive no matter how long the legs.
Your guy is a lucky man
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2016): You may have a self-esteem issue and you project that onto your boyfriend. Far too often women come to DC who actually have a husband or a boyfriend; but for some odd reason it doesn't seem to register that if he didn't like you as you are, you wouldn't be his wife or girlfriend.
Where does the notion come from that a male cannot like many types, and should lose all awareness that other women exist; because he has a girlfriend or wife? All that should change about a man in a relationship is how he behaves in the presence of other women; when you're there and when you're not. Your trust is based on his commitment; but you cannot base your trust on him suddenly becoming immune to all of his sexual impulses and responses. If he's not blind, he will see other women in the scope of his vision; and his brain will respond to the image involuntarily.
These emotions are basically a form of jealousy turned inward, to punish yourself for not being perfect. You blame "him" for not liking/loving "yourself." You're short, but you're not the only short person on the planet. Somehow you've decided this is some sort of defect. I'm sure many people under five feet tall are offended by reading these types of posts. You can add height by wearing high heels. A very simple solution.
He chose you, he has told you your height doesn't matter, and he's still there with you. Until you annoy him enough with your body-image insecurities. That would be the cause, not the reason, a guy loses interest in the woman he truly cares for. Of course you will simply believe you were right, he just wants another woman. Which is totally absurd; but if you have insecurities about your looks(in this case height), this is how you would reason.
Sweetie, love yourself for who you are and how genetics designed you. Easier said than done, but you've conditioned yourself for a very long time to have issues about your height; and some people require professional counseling to help them. In most cases, you simply have to convince yourself that your height is not a defect.
Your compact and petite size crams a very large and loving/loveable personality, that was fortunate enough to get you a boyfriend. Don't dog your relationship with things that are more in your head than in reality. Get professional-help if it's too hard to do on your own.
Shop for some lovely heels, shopping works wonders for the self-esteem!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (14 May 2016):
First of all, see this... "I don't have the nice legs he sees in every other women taller than me"
You are not every other woman. You are you and no one else. Why the hell would you want to be like everyone else ??? I am special in my own way. Only humans compare themselves to other humans. Have you ever seen a dog trying to roar like a lion because it doesn't want to be a dog any more?
I love short women, and I find them very sexy. Why? Because I find short women have more spunk, more fire. :)))
Besides...and the songs out there now are saying "Go Shorty" Not "Go tall Girl"
When you spend more time concerning yourself with what other people have, and what your boyfriend may like, you are putting ideas in his head, degrading yourself, and not showing the world what you have to offer.
I know a lot of women who have lost their man, because their girlfriends are constantly tell them what they think they should like in "other" women and not themselves. This girl kept telling her guy she knows he like blondes more the her red hair...guess who he left her for???
STOP picking on the things you cannot change, and enjoy what you have. You should be thinking...I am short, but I can bring the tallest man to his knees. After all, some of the most important things come in small packages. :)))
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2016): Yes, you are overthinking it. BIG TIME.Your boyfriend is with you because of ALL your GOOD qualities. Obviously you have MANY of them. And obviously he SEES all of these good qualities you possess. And he loves you for them. He isn't looking for someone else. Nor does he care about the looks of other women.Stop dwelling and focusing on one quality you do not like about YOURSELF. YOU are obsessing about it. NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. It does not seem to bother him at all. So... Just let it go. And focus on the good stuff. The good stuff about you. About him. About your relationship. Other girls and their legs or height have nothing to do with you and your boyfriend. Are you happy together? Then, isn't that all that matters? Stop trying to find things that are not perfect... IN YOUR OWN MIND, I might add... and focus on ALL THE POSITIVES. There are many I am sure!I think if you go on about this, the insecurities can ruin your otherwise good relationship. Do not question him about your looks. Do not seek compliments from him. I understand. As women, we all need attention and reaffirmation that our man loves us and finds us sexy and attractive. I mean, we feel that is important as we never want to lose him to some other girl. We women base a lot of our pull factor on our physical attractiveness and feel (wrongly) that our man will stray if we are not physically perfect. This is such a misconception. Societal pressure from the unattainable ideal standards of women in magazines, tv etc. make us feel less than perfect. And because we know men are visual and we feel that they are always looking at women, thinking about sex etc and comparing us all, that they will stray for a better model. Well, guess what? There will always be a better model out there! For ALL of us! BUT if your BF really loves you, he will never be seeking anyone else. As he LOVES you. All the good things. And all the FLAWS. Remember this. He loves YOUR FLAWS. We all have them. Now, the question is CAN YOU LOVE THEM TOO? This is the trick to embracing self esteem. Love your perfections and YOUR FLAWS equally. Realize they make you the unique human being you are. And flaws can make us more LOVEABLE. Ever thought of it that way? Confidence comes from loving yourself totally and knowing you are not perfect BUT LOVEABLE anyway. You see, this is the secret. Your BF already knows this. Now, you need to know it.Turn it around. Is he perfect? I am sure there are things about him that are not. And you love him anyway. You CHOOSE him anyway. Why can you not see that he may feel the same way?I am a pretty girl. I know this. I have always relied on my looks. I have so much more going for me. But looks are important to us women. Especially when we have had them our whole lives. But there comes a point where you need to let go and be happy with yourself. And realize that you are beautiful all on your own. My BF looks at other women even though I am beautiful. Beccause men look. Men appreciate. And just because a woman may have other physical attributes does not mean that you are less or not beautiful in your own right. We women also appreciate other men physically. It is human nature. But that does not mean that any of it detracts from you or that your BF wants to jump every other woman who crosses his path.My BF has a big tummy. But I am very sexually attracted to him anyway. And he has so many other qualities which I love about him. I do not focus on his tummy! Even though he goes on and on about it! I try to tell him I love him anyway. I did not fall for his tummy!! I see men who have perfect abs but that does not mean that I am off chasing them.Do you see what I am saying?I am twice your age and have lived a little. In time, we become more confident as women with life experiences under our belts and by meeting people and being in situations in life which change us, shape us and challenge us. In time, you will say you have been there and done that. And honestly, you won't give a shit what people think of you! At 22, I certainly gave a shit! At 42, I have earned all my scars. lol And now, I don't give a shit! Confidence is earned. It's a journey and hopefully in time you will earn yours too. Most of us do.So just love yourself. Know you are pretty. Special. And ENOUGH. Once you let that all go, things will be much smoother. It is all in your own mind. You can tell yourself what to think or feel at any given time. Turn your thoughts around to the positives and let go of the negatives.Your BF is choosing to be with YOU. Not anyone else. He isn't with you because of your height. Remember this.Hope this helps. :)
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