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anonymous
writes: He's job is killing our sex life! I am a stay at home mom and my husband works 12 to 14 hours a day 7 days a week. We never seem to have time for sex. I miss being with him so much. He and I both are so tired at night we never feel like sex. I have always been a morning person and I really like to have sex in the morning, but he is always gone early in the morning and does not get home at night til late. He has tried to cut back his hours, but something always happens and he has to work over. We have now gone 3 months without sex and I feel like I am going crazy! I need sex to feel close to him and I feel like I have lost that closeness. I know this is really getting to my husband too, he gets very ill & hateful when it has been a while since he has had some.. We are even starting to fight over really stupid things. What can I do?
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (8 April 2005):
 I can really understand all that you are saying. You want to make love with your husband to feel close to him and that isn't happening right now and it has been a while since it has. Something has to change! I'm not saying that your husband should give up his job or anything but your marriage is suffering as a result of this. You also need to be able to spend quality time together as a couple and as a family. This is very important.Is he due any holiday at all? Is there anyone else who could fill in for him so he could take some time off? I think he needs to recognise that this is a priority and to make sure that he can cut back his hours. I don't know what he does for a living or even if he is self-employed but something has to give. Work for a minute may have to take second place.Explain to him what you have said in your letter and work together to find ways for him to have more time. He can't continue to work like this forever, it will ruin his health as well as your marriage.Urge him to take time off, have a holiday, seriously cut back those hours, if more work comes up, someone else must cover. It is time for you and the family.Ultimately, he may have to consider changing his job if it is going to cause so many problems. His family needs some of his time too and although this sounds pressurising, it needn't be if handled correctly, things can balance out.I really hope this helps.
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