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*anboy17
writes: I am in the Royal Navy and serving in Scotland. My Scottish fiance of 4yrs has helped me through a patch of depression brought on by my exwifes reluctance to let me have access to my children. I am now recovering with professional help but recently my fiance discovered that i had let slip to her sister about an abortion she had several years ago and had told me not to tell anyone about. She is obviously very hurt and having given me so much during my illness she is very low about us. She says she loves me still although she doesnt show it. I love her very much and am so sorry for everything that has happened. We have so much going for us (her 2children adore me) and I am desperate for us to move on and be happy again. She is under her doctor for depression. I want her to come off of the dss who currently pay for the house which I am not officially allowed to stay in although i do at weekends and let me pay the rent / mortgage but she wants a guarantee that we will be ok in the future. Despite my assurances she is reluctant to take a chance on us. I gave up everything to move in together with no guarantees. How can I make things right again.
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abortion, depressed, ex-wife, fiance, move on, my ex, navy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2006): If your fiance had an abortion you are in your rights to talk about this to someone. If it was your baby, you would have been emotionally affected by this, not just her. The way people react to an abortion is very like how they would mourn over a death.
Your fiance is upset because it feels like you betrayed her trust. You didn't tell an outsider, it was someone in her family. Perhaps she wasn't the best person to tell, but still, it is understandable.
You need to talk to your fiance about your feelings about the abortion, and why you told someone. You need to apologise for choosing her sister but explain the reasons why you did.
If she is depressed, she won't be acting rationally. You say she is seeing a doctor - is she being treated? Is this treatment working? Did this depression happen after the termination? A termination could easily affect her judgement to sex, a relationship and love.
You can't guarentee her that things will be OK in the future, but you can guarentee that you love her completely and will do everything you can to make the relationship work. Perhaps she just needs time to come to terms with this, is it possible you can have some space from one another for a little while?
I really hope things work out for you; it sounds like you really care about her and I am guessing that she just needs time to come around. Good luck janboy17.
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