A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, iv been with this girl for 5 years almost, im 25 and she is 21. Recently she told me i cant communicate very good at all and that she feels distant from me. She told me she thinks we need a break and packed a bagful of cloths and left for her mothers. She said that we need time to figure out our own stuff. But since she said this we still hang out and talk multiple times a day. And sometimes she even stays over but there in no sex now and she rarely shows me signs of affection. She said she just isnt happy in her life and needs time too figure it out. Now i dont really know what to do, i know there is no other guy in the picture, 100%. But im so depressed about this and not really sure what i can do because she wont tell me whats making her unhappy. We really love eachother and i want us to be happy. I admit i need to make serious changes too but i wish there was something more i could do? Any advice for my situation?James
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAny other advice gina?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell guys tonight i finally worked up the courage to ask her if she wanted to see other people while we are on this "break". And wow i feel a huge wieght has been lifted off my sholders even though she said that she isnt thinking of anyone else nor is involved with anyone else. BUT she then said what if something just happens!!
So i said stuff just doesnt happen, and in the end its your choice to what happens. I then said that if you want to decide to see other people things are gona change and its gona completly break us and thats the total opisite as to what this break is all about. Which is to figure our lives out and get them back on track. So she ended up saying I DONT KNOW and stuff like I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE and IM NOT SURE WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. I told her to think really good about it tonight and that i expect an awnser tomorrow. Surprisingly i feel alot better no matter what her choice is. Its kinda wierd, SHALL THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE
ill update tomorrow gnite
James
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGina, thats the thing though, we see each other everyday still and she wants me to call her in the mornings and go see her. I think maybe i should say lets do 5-7 days no contact what so ever, like a real break? Set the time limit and maybe some rules? Like agree to see or not see other people? Maybe that will give her the time she needs? Because right now i dont think this is helping when we are suposed to be on a break and still cuddling and saying we love eachother not getting anything accomplished. Like we should be focusing on the "problems"
bah so confused
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): Hello James
Try reflecting her feelings back to her (repeat what she is saying back to her) or showing her empathy (repeat what she expressed back to her and then explain back what she explained about it) . Sometimes listening is not enough. Talking helps. Women are talkers usually although not all.
Then if you can show her actions which prove you understand how she feels then she will feel loved and affection will come naturally.
Another relationship book that rocks is "Getting the love you want" by Harville Hendrix. Try it.
I recommend going to a communication course. NVC (nonviolent communication) can be googled online and is extremely useful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she tells me she really wants this to work out but that we just have to get our life on track. Is it worth me trying to prove to her that we can have a healthy sucessful life together? I know she still loves me and i love her. I was with her tonight and we were saying we love each other and there was even a few kisses...its just so confusing.
I was thinking of just turning the tables on her and reverse the situation but i know she is dealing with personal issues and i dont wanna turn my back on her. Maybe i need to define what a "break" means to her??
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): It happened to me once, I can tell you that it hurt like hell when it was finally over, but eventually the clouds parted and i was able move on with my life again. This is gonna hurt you, theres no way arround it. Cut her loose, let her know you love her and allways will, if she comes back, thats great. If not and she moves on, let her go and mourn your loss. I promise you after awhile the hurt will lessen and you will be able to move on to a new chapter of your life. I feel for you, be brave and forgiving.
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