A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have some serious concerns about my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We own a house together, own vehicles together and we have 2 children. Our oldest is not his biologically, but my boyfriend has been her "step father" since she was barely 2. Our son together is almost a year old. We have had some issues but we are doing much better with our relationship and every day it seems to get better. He tells me that he wants to be with me forever and grow old with me. He also says he wants more children in the near future with me. We are a family and have a great family. My only concern is we aren't married. I want to get married more than anything. I want to show him how much I love him by committing myself to him in marriage, I want to show our children that we are committed to each other enough to be married. I also believe in the religious aspect of marriage. Well it's been 4 years almost and no ring, no engagement. I've talked to him about it and he knows how important marriage is to me, and he said "he would look into it" whatever that means. So what do I do? Do I stay with him and just wait for something that may never happen, do I leave him? I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Four years is a long time and he has shown no sign of wanting to get married. He has everything he would have if you were married so what is in it for him? Can you not carry on as you are?
Could you get some advice from a religious leader as to whether marriage means it has to be formalised? You are in a long-term, committed relationship that sounds almost the same as marriage.
Has he been married before and have any reason not to want to again? That might have an impact.
Leaving him would be a very drastic measure, as you have formed a serious relationship and started a family.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 June 2009):
Well I suppose that he's not seeing any pressure to get married. You did all this stuff (bought houses / had kids) with absolutely no sign of commitment from him, so in his view, marriage is just going to be a bit of icing on the cake.
I think you have to give him a bit of time. I mean he could hardly reply, "ok, well how's next Tuesday for you? I could romantically propose in my lunch hour if you like?"
I think you have to give the poor guy a chance to go and buy a ring and talk to your dad and do all that stuff.
If there is no sign of a ring in a few months then tell him you don't want to have any more kids until you are married. He needs to know that you have suddenly got serious about this.
If he still hasn't proposed in a few months time then you might want to tell him that if there is no sign of commitment then you don't see a future.
You are pretty much stuck I'm afraid. Most people get married BEFORE making major purchases and having kids. He has pretty much no reason to hurry.
Give him a chance and keep talking to him about "when we are married" and how you are looking forward to being "Mrs Smith" or what ever his name is. Keep dropping hints but give him a chance.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
