A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so incredibly confused. I'm 22 years old and my girlfriend and I have been together since we we're 15. I always thought that we would be together forever, however about a month ago i noticed a slight change in her behaviour as she seemed to be a bit distant from me, we have always communicated well and had a good and honest relationship so i asked her what she was feeling. She told me that she felt too comfortable with me and that she just felt that we were more like friends. This came as a complete shock to me as i had assumed everything was going well. The only problem we had is that she had recently got her first job and would talk about a guy at work quite frequently and admitted that she liked the attention from him. After a week or so she said she wanted a break because she needed time to appreciate how much she really loves me as she felt she was taking me for granted. We went through with the break however i found it incredibly difficult to not contact her and spoke to her a few times especially on her birthday. After a week i told her that i wasn't sure i could take this anymore because i felt that her doubts about the relationship were all i could think about, she said she didn't want to split up with me and we agreed to meet so we could talk about it further.During the break i realised there were things about myself that i should change so that she didn't feel like this again, i explained them to her and began to put them into practice (just little things like buying her small things and going places for her, getting fit etc) she made a similair point and said she would be more affectionate to me and try and initiate sex more. If i am totally honest sex has always been a bit of an issue with us; unfortunately we have completley mismatched libidos and i can only think of about 10 times that she has initiated sex in a seven year relationship. When i think about this i feel that she mustn't be attracted to me. However she seldom masturbates and she is being honest about this as she says she never feels the need although we do not have intercourse that often, Also she is quite insecure about her body which personally i feel has meant she has never fully let herself relax during sex. Anyway these things aside we both agreed that there were problems but we were willing to rectify them.So we went on in the relationship which again seemed fine, however i felt an underlying pressure to be extra nice to her and tell her i love her and how beautiful i think she is etc. These are things i have always done but i was making a point of doing it more frequently. During the time we got back together i felt like i was making all the effort which to be honest is the way i've always felt. Something just didn't feel right so i confronted her and we decided that it wasn't working so we mutually split up, it was very emotional for both of us as we are best friends as well as lovers.The thing is because we have been together from such a young age and we have only ever been with each other, i feel that she has started to wonder whether i am right for her because i am all she has ever known, i think this was brought on by her co-worker as i went through a very similar situation a few years into our relationship. When we took the break i don't feel i gave her enough time or space. Also i was always the one being affectionate so in her mind she knows that if she wanted to get back with me she can. Do you think i should ignore her and cut all contact to make her realise that she loves me (if she does) and also i would like to know what your opinions are on the likelihood of us getting back together. I fear that the only way she will realise she loves me is by kissing or having sex with someone else.Thanks in adavance for any advice
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a break, at work, best friend, co-worker, got back together, insecure, kissing, libido, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 Hi,
You see this all the time with couples who get together at such and early age. It rarely works out over time.
I think you are best to have a break, it sounds like she is enjoying the attentions from another man and there is little you can do to curb this desire to expand her horizons.
Take a break, and reassess the situation yourself, perhaps you should experience some new things as well in your life?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): It is so hard when you have been with someone for such a long time and one of you changes the way they feel about the other person. You have been together since the age of 15 and it sounds as though she is a big part of your world, and so she would be. You have not had enough time to grow, missed out of some social growth opportunities, and got serious very quickly in your teens. Sounds like she wants more for her, and this does not make her a bad person as she has been honest with you from the start. She is at a period in her life when she needs that opportunity to see what else is out there. This doesn’t mean that she does not love you and it doesn’t mean that you have done anything wrong. She may realise that the grass isn’t greener on the other side and could return.
I feel as though you should take the time to move on and set her free. If the love was meant to be she will return, however you must not wait around for her and must do everything you can to get on with your life. It doesn’t mean that you should stop loving her as that will be impossible but don’t let her treat you as a back up in case all else fails. You are not her back up. Keep it in your mind that you are over. She is not important in your plans and you are now single and free to do what you want. Obviously you will take some things into account such as not deliberately seeking to hurt her, but you do what is right for you. Keep yourself busy and focus on your needs and your life.
I think you should do whatever comes natural to you but refrain from calling her, the time apart may make her realise how much she does miss you as it will bring back the attraction and the feeling of the unknown and the unexpected. It is going to be hard, you know this as you experienced it during the break but it will make you a much stronger person in the end.
Any consolation. I was with my ex from the age of 16 until 25. We had our first child together at 21. It complicates things more when you start a family together and then these feelings set in. You guys have broken up the best way by keeping things amicable, no body has cheated so in time you will be able to be best friends again and maybe rekindle that spark and the relationship that you crave. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, speedcat  +, writes (31 January 2008):
oh boy!! tough one, see I hate to say it but in my opinion these sort of relationships rarely work out, few do but most ive heard of dont and to be perfectly blunt, I believe people get CURIOUS they want to explore life outside of what they know, it doesnt make them bad just human. and yes I believe sex is part of the issue at hand. its almost like the grass is greener on the other side type of thing,,,,almost always its not!!! but you or her in this case needs to find this out on her own! so yes as hard as it is on you ,,,give her total space,but be there for her when she needs you,,,she may find out that the grass isnt so green but unfortunatly this may take a lot of time,,,and you may find someone in the meantime,,,,good luck
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