A
male
age
51-59,
*asjon
writes:Please help I have been with my partner for 16 years and 5 wonderful children unfortunatly I have been jealous and controlling over the years and over the past 6 months my partner has been getting counselling for depression 2 weeks ago she decided to tell me she no longer loves me and wants me to leave my home I am heart broken been crying everyday since and sleeping about 1 to 2 hours a day I have begged her to give me a second chance I am moving out this week to a rented house I have pleaded with her to let me show her that with help I can change over a little time and maybe consider taking me back in the future but she just shouts back at me I dont love you and I never will again she wants to move on with her life without me please help me with some advice Jon
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male
reader, basjon +, writes (11 April 2007):
basjon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I will do my best not to contact her and try and occupy myself elsewhere thanx for the help all
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): If she has depression she wont want anyone else if shes sensible about it.
Sounds hard I know but you need and I mean need to give her and yourself space...
Just leave it for a while and try and do the things you didnt have time for... see friends do something stupid just dont call her!
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A
male
reader, basjon +, writes (9 April 2007):
basjon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx midge for the advice you are probably right that I do need to give her more space I just find it so hard not to be intouch for 1 day especially as I like to see my kids where it is school holidays at the mo but I will try and back off some more perhaps I should not contact her for a few days to a week to see if she will contact me As I do love her so much and I would do anything for a second chance it is very hard to not be jealous I supppose I must keep it inside and not let her see that I am. I cant stop thinking about where she is going to her sisters partners wedding in 2 weeks time for the weekend and she has got bought this lovely black dress and I think to myself wow so many guys are gonna try and take my girl away sounds sad but I cant help feeling this way although I have said nothing to her as I want to show her I can change thanx again for the help I will update my situation again in a few days ...
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (9 April 2007):
 Jon, if she was considering coming over, it means that there is perhaps the chance of reconciliation. But give her some space! She is obviously crying out for a little space and you are, suffocating her. Perhaps you dont mean to becauce you love her, but you are!
I know its difficult to come to terms with it, and that you'll be missing her etc, but if you dont give her time to heal, you will drive her away for good and there will be absolutely no chance of reconciliation at a later stage!
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A
male
reader, basjon +, writes (8 April 2007):
basjon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay I have moved out 3 days ago and im hurting so bad I have been doing all the wrong things Im calling her texting her and going on msn to chat to her and she says I need to let go before I drive her away for good as she says its like Im stalking her I am finding it well hard to sleep at all I am trying to occupy my time else where but where I am out of work due to a back injury I cant do much even getting on here isnt good as when I switch my pc on I am hoping I will see her online in msn I just dont know what to do as I dont want to drive her away The first night I was away she rang me up while I was in bed to see if I was okay and then told me she was thinking of getting a cab to come and see me so I said please then let me come and get you I would love to see you but then she says it aint a good idea why did she tell me in the first place that she as thinking of coming maybe just to hurt me I have decided I wont contact her for the next few days until I will be having my kids in the middle of the week but boy its gonna be hard than for the advice all it does help me a little thanx Jon
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): I feel for you I really do. Im in the same boat myself at the moment not been together as long as you have but the situation is the same.To be honest the only advice I can give is move out (I have) and wait for a while then try coming back into her life as a friend... if its really not going to work out cut your losses and leave it will be a lot less painful in the long run...
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (6 April 2007):
I know how you feel because I have been in the same situation. My boyfriend suffers from clinical depression, and when he is in that state of mind, trying to get any sense out of him is like trying to pull hens teeth. I can honestly say that I could murder him, that is how bad it is.
The only thing you can do is give her some space. When she comes out of this depressed state, I am sure that she like my boyfriend will come out of it, feeling a little more human, and feel "refreshed" (if you can call it that!).
We have at times, not seen each other for 3 or 4 months, then when he feels better, he calls me, apologises for being such an arse, and things are 10 times better than they were before. And we have had some issues too, so dont think it was a walk in the park before.
His depression starts gradually, and the worse it got, the more he didnt want to see sense. He literally couldnt see the wood from the trees!
I am sure your partner is very much the same. Although you have had problems, like all couples, its not something that will end your relationship. The chances are the depression is blinding her judgement. Depression gets people in different ways, some worse than others, but the only thing you can do at this point is give her space to think things through. Once she has thought about things, and had a little breathing space, I am sure she will see clearly and make an informed decision.
If you really want to be with her, then give her what she needs. Space! And you will need a hell of a lot of patience!! Depression can take weeks or months to get through!
Have patience and stop begging her! Give her space!
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