A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Its been a long time coming and i have decided today is the day that i'm gona tell my 'good friend' (as he calls us) that i have feelings for him. but i dont know how to start it off.we have known each othe since aug 2006 and we become really good friends staright away. when we first started talking we asked me a lot of personal Qs...like when am i going to get married...he told me that his mum said he can have a girlfriend...he told me he wants to marry a lawyer (we both are in same profession)...remember this was our first convo.he asked me out within few weeeks of knowing me...but it didnt happen, in fact he asked me often but something always come in the way...but we still pursued and tried. i dont know if he was asking to meet me a friend or potential girlfriend. we used to speak at 2/3 time week on fone/msn/text!we did meet few times from then to now but only for abt 15mins! we never spent more than 40mins alone. but have travelled togther on business meetings.he helped me on my post-graduate course...which ive completed now.he moved the another city for work. before he applied for the job he asked me what i thought of it. but before i had a chance to spk, he said that he will only go for a year or two and then come back home. we have a age gap of 4 years! we met to say bye, he told me he was going to miss me and he kissed me on my ear/neck area...we hugged and held each other for what felt like ages and compared to other hugs i have had from him or other people, it felt like something was there. he told me to come and visit him. i told him it would be difficult...he asked in i had any family up north i said no...then he said if i ever want to get away from everything that i should come and see him and he'll take me out. also in the last few days, we reminded me of all the things we used to joke about and things that no-one would understand the joke about aprt from us.after we went things become really distant with each other and we hardly spoke...rarelt text.well now his back from that job, he came bk 2months ago, he only stayed there for abt 3months. i didnt know he was back straight away coz i was on hol, but when we did speak, it was on the day i got this perverted fonecall, it sound exactly like the guy i like or should i say love...so after that call i rang up the guy and asked if he called me, he said no and he promised it wasnt him. i believe it wasnt him. this was first time we spoke in 3months...he told that his back and the reason why. he then asked me when we going to meet up coz its bn a long time. we were going to met the next day, but then he texted me to say he wont be able to come coz of family issues. we even spoke to next day...and he told me he really trusts me. since his been back his being calling me 'babe' he never called me that before. he been calling me sweetie a lot more now. in fact he doesnt even say my name he sweet talks me. but he does call me 'A' the first letter of my name...and i recently found out that he calls himself 'A' too coz thats first letter of his name. i though maybe he does it everyone, but he doesnt!anywyas. two weeks went by and i called him, he within 2mins of convo asked me 'babe when are we going to meet?' we met the next day. this was first time we saw each other in 4months. we hugged when we met. in fact we met before he had an interview for a new job. we went to have a coffee. we spoke about a lot of things. he asked me how my family was. he asked about my bro? he doesnt know them but always asks me. i then asked about his family too. then out of the blue, he asked me again when am i going to get married. we havent spkn about marriage or anything to do with relationships since we first met. he asked if i going to wait until i qualify as a lawyer. i told no, my parents dont want to wait that long. in fact they want me to get married after my bro is married altough we still looking for a girl for him (we are indians). i then asked him. he said no not for a while, he wants to sort out his career first and that his sis gettin married and thats more than enuf at the mo. then about 10mins later he tells me that he looking for a girl for his friend, then comes out with that he should set us up...i was like 'WHAT"...then he says forget i even said that, it wudnt work! he then does bunk to the toilets! he comes bk really quickly. we in a place neither been in before, and he comes bk in less than a min. then he faces was a bit sad, i said cheer up. he then reminded me of his first interview...this was back in nov 2006 and how nervous he was. he used to call me, saying his really nervous etc.it was then time for him to go...we said bye and hugged.i called him next day asking how his interview went, he said he doesnt like the job they are offering...But its now been a month since i last spoke to him.his sister got married last weekend so i didnt want to give him a bombshell of how i felt before, coz indian weddings are stressful and go on for days.but today is the day...and i need your help. do you think from what i told you, i should tell him how i feel coz there might be a chance that he feels somethins too. or do u think that from what you knw im wasting my time...anything u say wil help...big or small!how do i bring it up? do i say it and then let him speak? or do i say everything i wana say to him eg how i feel...what has the past year been all about...do u treat all girls like this...what the logic of fixing me up with his mate.....thanks xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): good luck, he will probably say the same
A
female
reader, yeahitsgreat  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 wow way long i didnt read it all, lol but i ould sit him down somewhere and just try and start it out like" hey we have know each other for a while right? and i can tell you anything?" if a guy hangs out with you alot and shows contant intrest in you for a long period of time he is most likely into you unless he is in a realationship or gay. and he will let you know how he feels when you finally open up to him. words left unsiad can really hurt any realtionship. and big time when thay are that important, if you have mayjor feelings for this guy and you know you are great freinds, its not like he will be hurt if you tell him. and if he doesnt say anything after you tell him, ask him what he is thinking. if you caught him off gaurd he might be speachless but he might burst out. 'wow i feel the same way'
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Dear: Definitely your indian culture is very different to that of northamericans and latins. It's been interesting reading a little about your indian culture.
I hope you have not told this guy already the way you feel because it's of no use. I don't understand the way you start your relationships in India but in America if you like someone usually you go for it. This guy so far hasn't proven he likes you to have a relationship with you but for a relationship for a friend.
I understand you got involved and fell in love with him but I believe you should forget about him because if he was interested in having a relationship with you he'd already done something about it.
He came back and he didn't even called you or nothing. God knows if that perverted call was from him. He is so inmature and evidently only cares about his career.
Look for a more mature man who deserves you. Forget him and don't tell him the way you feel because he won't appreciate it. It's better to suffer in silence with dignity than sharing something so delicate with someone who won't care about it.
If I'm wrong and he likes you he should be the one telling you the way he feels not you.
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