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female
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anonymous
writes: It's so ironic that I have been coming here for 10 months, the length of my relationship. I have asked for advice, read your responses, but have not really listened. Everytime my relationship seems too bad to handle, it gets better, which gives me hope that things will work out and he will change. The problem is, he never changes, and I've noticed it only gets worse. Ever since I got engaged he became so demanding and every little thing I did or didn't do made him mad. I was never enough. I tried to end it so many times, but couldn't out of guilt and heartache. It's always something. He either doesn't make me a priority by going on long trips or he pressures me to smoke. He gets mad if I don't clean the dishes how he wants me to, or make his food how he likes it. He gets mad if the laundry isn't perfect, and always asks if guys talk to me when I go out. On top of it all I get blamed for everything. I'm sure you have read my questions, because I have asked about 50 over our entire relationship. But, nothing ever lets me break away for good. I have lost friends and my family doesn't like him. Unfortunately his friends don't see this side of him. He checks out girls in front of me and says I need to put up with it because every other guy does it too. He blames every fight and break up on me being bipolar. I think I will be happier without him, but something in me just won't let him go. I don't know what I am waiting for? It's like I want him to cheat or hit me to make it easier. It's too much to handle, and I know I could give good advice to everyone out there. The problem is I won't listen to it myself. Help!
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 The first thing that struck me about your boyfriend is that he is extremely insecure and unsure of himself. By making you feel bad, by making you feel that you are not good enough, he is keeping 'on top' in the relationship. He feels inferior to you, and he knows that you are on the brink of leaving him, that if you had the courage, you would be gone. Ad that scares him - he doesn't want you to leave him. I'm sure he uses every dirty trick in the book - from treating you like dirt (eyeing up other women!!) to making you feel guilty.
And by you saying you want him to cheat, or something similar, you want a solid reason out of the relationship - you are too afraid to take the step to leaving him for good, that you want him to make that permanent decision for you. Which is very common! But you have to say to yourself - would a girl who is happy in a relationship want her boyfriend to cheat on her so she could leave him? If you are comfortable with the thought of him with another girl, there is clearly no love from your side.
There is no real simple way out. You have 2 options: stay with him, hope he gives you a reason to leave, which is questionable if you will in fact leave. 2, you get tough, swallow your feelings of guilt, and leave him. You know how happy you will be without him, and why do you deserve to be treated like that? How dare he beat you down every day! How DARE he mess with your emotions and conscience! Get mad! You will go through a range of emotions and rage will be one of them. He's a loser and you could do better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): i am sorry to say this but he will never change have you ever heard the saying leperds dont change there spots. Now that you are engaged he probely thinks he can control you, you have to let him know he can't. You should not stay with someone who gets mad with you all the time you don't deserve that. you should not feel guilty you are doing nothing wrong. He should not be making you do every thing you are not his slave. it seems you are not happy with him because you have wrote so many times so i think you should leave him or have a break away from each other for a couple of months and start seeing other peaple and then you can decide weather or not you want to get back with him, you should give this a try it just might help you both.
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A
male
reader, In love with God's creation +, writes (4 September 2007):
He will keep on abusing you for as long as he knows ur not going anywhere, again, he might have convinced himself that ur not loyal, he might have done a lot of effort already on the relationship when u had been taking all the advice, I pity him, love should be very straightforward, not about mind games, it seems now it his turn and his way is brash and loud, the deciding factor is do u love him and if you do, boy how hard could it be for a women to make her man know that.
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A
female
reader, Shexxii-Babbiie +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Right this does sound really serious.
My mum is kind of going through the same. my step-dad dnt let her go out and he never does anything for her he also exspects me to do all the house work and for it to be perfect and im only 14 x
It sounds
like emotional abuse and it can get serious if ii was you ii would juz leave oe day when he is out tell some friends if you have any left or family and then just go
if you have children under 16 you can get a council house about it but you will need to go to your town council and it can take a long time if it is ot serious but if you tell them evythimg it could be quick x
but if you havnt then you will eed to try and go to another persons (friends) house tht he dont know and dont levae him clues or tell anyone where you are tht myt no him or you could jus tell him exactly how you feel and say you are thinkin about leaving him because of it or just say no when he tells you what to do because if he ever hits you then you get out staraight away and inform the police x
ii hope it has helped you
lovee summer-april x
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A
female
reader, Shexxii-Babbiie +, writes (4 September 2007):
Right this does sound really serious.
My mum is kind of going through the same. my step-dad dnt let her go out and he never does anything for her he also exspects me to do all the house work and for it to be perfect and im only 14 x
It sounds
like emotional abuse and it can get serious if ii was you ii would juz leave oe day when he is out tell some friends if you have any left or family and then just go
if you have children under 16 you can get a council house about it but you will need to go to your town council and it can take a long time if it is ot serious but if you tell them evythimg it could be quick x
but if you havnt then you will eed to try and go to another persons (friends) house tht he dont know and dont levae him clues or tell anyone where you are tht myt no him or you could jus tell him exactly how you feel and say you are thinkin about leaving him because of it or just say no when he tells you what to do because if he ever hits you then you get out staraight away and inform the police x
ii hope it has helped you
lovee summer-april x
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A
female
reader, bukester  +, writes (3 September 2007):
The one thing that bothers me now is that you have been enslaved and blackmailed. And you have resolved to cheat yourself with your own right. Let me tell you something, you will continue to experience that and more heartaches because you are expecting him to change. Your boyfriend is who he is, it is either you adjust your entire life to his and accept him as your fate or you move ahead and define exactly what you want in your man and believe. Except these options, you will always come to ask for advice for the rest of your life. Note; not every other guy does what your boyfriend claimed they do.
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A
male
reader, LouieA  +, writes (1 September 2007):
Your in a similar situation to me. Things go from down to up and thats when you think it will all work out but then it plumits to a new low. If i was in the same situation i guess i would stay as i am to weak minded and also have a very low self esteem (which i have to blame on my otherhalf) I believe if you really want to get out. You would, obviously something is holding you back? maybe something financially or something along those lines?
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