A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years.He told me approx a year ago that before we got together he had two sexual encounters with another male. He said these two occasions happened within a few weeks of each other. They didnt have sex but did the other stuff. He said since then hes been curious about men, and often watches gay porn. He swears hes not gay and could not love another male but just that it turns him on and he couldnt keep it to himself anymore as he wanted to be completely honest with me, as were planning on getting married next summer. As ive been with him such a long time and our relationship is near enough perfect i accepted it. Ive always know he watched porn and it doesnt bother me as im quite secure i was just suprised by the encounter and the fact he also watched male porn. Heres the thing since then hes become a lot more open he asks me to rub/lick his anus when hes turned on which he loves and when hes drunk and where having sex he often says things about how much he would like to have intercourse with a male and how he'd love a male sexual encounter again. The other day i even got a text message to say he fancied a male he works with. Dont get me wrong the fact that he is honest with me is great. And to be honest if it was just gay porn i could deal with it but the rest just makes me uncomfortable but if i ask him to stop it doesnt change the fact he will still be thinking and wanting to have intercourse with a male. I just need your opinion on 1. do you think he is gay? and 2. What should i do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 I would venture the "guess" of him being bisexual as well. However one thing is to fantasize about it another thing is actually doing it.
If you two plan to marry I think you have every right to know what he intend to do with these fantasies/urges. Does he expect for you to just "let" him do guys on the side? Could you live with that? What exactly did he expect when he came out and told you this?
You two got a LOT of talking to do before you actually get married.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): He could be bisexual OP.
I mean you don't say anything negative about your sex life and after 7 years you'd know whether he loves and is attracted to you, finds you sexy etc.
I say talk to him. He feels he can be open and honest with you so it's time to get to the bottom of all this.
"The other day i even got a text message to say he fancied a male he works with."
This is a bit much don't you think? I can appreciate beauty in others and even though me and my girlfriend will point out fine specimens of either gender to each other, I wouldn't dream of going as far to say I have a thing for anyone else but her.
It's time for a long frank discussion about this OP. Leave bo stone unturned and ask him how he feels knowing that you two are getting married and that means he will never get to have sex with another guy, even if a threesome is something you may consent to, for your purposes here ask him is he okay with never having that ever again. I think that will give you the answer you seek and of course don't just pay attention to his words, his body language and facial expression will tell you the real deal.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 July 2012):
 I could be wrong, it's not like online gaydar exists, but I don't see how he could not be gay. He fantasizes about men. Even when he's with you, it sounds like he's fantasizing that he's with a man (no one specific, I just mean that he has to think about "gay sex" to be turned on). He is attracted to a man he knows. He talks about it frequently. He's been with men before.
It sounds like he's just in denial or finds it "gross" or something? You need to talk to him about this, honestly and non-judgmentally, to find out if he weren't with you, would he want to be with another man instead.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 July 2012):
 It sounds to me as if your intended best fits the label "bisexual."
IF that's so, then you have to make a decision if you want to risk being his partner, ASSUMING that his prediliction for experiencing s*xual things with men is OK with you...
I think he's been commendably open with you. Now, you have to take that information and make your decision about if/whether you want to make a future with him....
Good luck....
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