A
female
age
36-40,
*janeway
writes:My highschool sweetheart/first love/best friend told me that he thinks it will be best if we never talk again. We have known each other for almost 7 years. We have a lot of history. Obstacles have been thrown right and left. First, my parents hated him. Then, I broke up with him because I was young, dumb, and afraid I didnt know what love was when I was 17...I found out that I did know. I played with his heart sorta because I kept on talking to him and telling him ILY, but I played with him unintentionally. We never really had a good heart to heart about everything so he never really forgave me for hurting him when I put him on the back burner. Third, he joined the military. We got back together after bootcamp. We seen each other like 3 times a year for 2 years. He has been deployed twice. Just got back from Afghanistan. Distance really got to us. I probably smothered him with too many phone calls. He got a new roommate that partied. He started to party with him, and ignore me. He cheated and I forgave him, but he never forgave himself. He started to push me away, but when we got back together I was so determined to make it work that I took a lot of crap that I probably should not have. He told me that I deserve to be treated better. I dont understand why he couldnt have treated me better like he said I deserve. His most recent leave- we had one good day and made love which he said was to bond (I guess) and after the initial awkwardness that is always there it felt right to me. He said that the last couple leaves he would have a moment like...why am I here with her? (to make things even more complicated we broke up last July, but have been talking exclusively like bf/gf do but have not been official which I was going to try to start when he got back from his deployment after a long detailed convo...his plans were opposite, to run) He got drunk the next night, tried to break up with me but it didnt work because when you are drunk, you tend to follow your heart. Next day when he was sober, it worked. He said that he was fighting his emotions and it was very difficult to do. He said that when he is with me that I melt his heart (and breaking up doesnt make sense) but when he is away breaking up seems like the right thing to do. He said that we have grown apart and are going down different roads now. That we both need to grow and become our own person without each other. He told me that I was always trying to change him. IDK if I was... maybe he considers trying to get him to respect me more and not let me down (lie, not keep promises), like he began to always do, an attempt to change him. He was like we should have met when we were 25-28 and it would be perfect. He had a lot of reasons actually. The major one was that we are 500 miles apart. He also threw the I love you, but I am not in love with you line at me. BUT how the hell can I melt his heart if he is not in love with me? He said that I will always have that special place in his heart, but we cant talk anymore. The reason why we cannot talk at all not even friends is because everytime we talk, we always become more than friends because that how is ride or die lovers roll. =)I am distaught and not sure what to do. I dont really want to move on all the way because my feelings are so strong for him and I am pretty sure that he still loves me. I think he just does not want the stress of our relationship weighing him down so much anymore. He can get quite selfish at times. He said he needs to be free. We arent going to talk for a good while and I want to see if he tries to contact me. Should I move on and try to get serious with someone else or just date around and have fun until he is out of the military (2 yrs) and we can try to be in a relationship that is not long distance? My head says to move on, but my heart says to hold on. I just cannot see him not being in my life. He always said that he could never picture his life without me, but was he just trippin I wonder. I never believed in falling out of love. Rude awakening, I guess...but I truly believe something is there still (Actually I think he even said that there is) but the stress is making it get lost and weak. Another time he said that he does not know what will happen with us in the future because he really does not know what he wants at all in life, but he didnt want to give me any hope because I should not hold back. Anyways...what should I do? I dont want to be caught up with him and miss opportunities, but also I dont want to give up on something that is still there but just too got complicated. These days, real love is tough to find.oh and his last words in person were forever is such a strong word. I had asked him if that would be the last time I would see him for forever Thank you if you made it this far, I know it was long
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broke up, drunk, got back together, I love you, long distance, military, move on, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Sweetie I think you should move on. As you said in your post you've put up with a lot in this relationship and now you are holding yourself back from other opportunties by waiting for something that you have no guarantee will work anyway.
Get yourself out there and meet some other people and if you and this guy are actually meant to be together it will all work out when he gets back but don't hold yourself ransom to the possibility.
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