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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hello i need some good advicei am irish girl in my 30s i can,t seem to get boyfriend i am always getting rejected and treated badly.they guys who are rejected and rotten are the ones i am nice to.they just don,t show any interted in me at all.i am NOT a good looking,slim ,tall,also flat chested,i am chubby side.some guys say awful cruel things to me.calling me names.boasting about there ex girlfriends to me.i never even got my boyfriend or my 1st kiss so please don,t laugh at me.it me so sad and so very angry why i get this treatment i am so tired of being rejected.i find looking for a boyfriend ordeal i have been rejected most of life by guys and treated so badly and even called names
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): You have just been chosing the wrong guys.
However, do you see what you are doing? If you tell yourself that you "always" get rejected by guys and each and every one of them says rude things to you or treats you badly and things "never" work out for you, that negative self talk is what you are going to believe, it is sort of a self fulfilling prophecy.
Even though I am not a believer in "The Secret" philosophy that says if you believe things strongly enough and are positive only that you can achieve or have anything or anyone you want, I do believe that being negative makes you perceive your world that way and you see rejection only and are blind to when people don't reject you.
Don't put so much emphasis on finding a boyfriend. Find friends. Keep your heart open a little to every man you see, the bag boy at the grocer's the clerk behind the counter....practice smiling and being friendly to people on the street that you see in your every day life, and when you see that people respond in kind at least most of the time, you will start to feel better and more confident.
If you put out the energy that you are desperate to find a boyfriend, that is pretty much a man repellant.
You need to work on you first and feeling good about you. You don't have to have ever been kissed or had a boyfriend to be an interesting worthwhile person, even happy.
I think this has been going on long enough for you that you really ought to think about going into therapy.
I think Cognitive Behavioral Psychologists are the best for you, ask your doctor for a referral, it will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): You need to work on first being happy with yourself. Try to take up a hobby of yours like taking a class or join an organization. Work on just meeting people and getting out there. Look for meeting and being friends with guys- you'll learn to be more comfortable around them and get to know them. If you only meet guys at bars or pubs, it may not be the best place because it is noisy and crowded and hard to get to know one another. Your weight or size doesn't matter- what matters is if YOU feel comfortable with yourself. Go to the store or any place where there is a lot of people walking around- do all couples look like skinny super models? Probably not. Get your hair done, make-up done, and put on an outfit that you feel good in. If you take care of yourself and treat yourself well, you'll feel more confident. Get out there and look towards meeting new people. When you least expect it, you'll find someone.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (27 March 2010):
Try dating online. Www.connectingsingles.com. Go for the 40+ year old guys. Younger guys sometimes have unrealistic expectations. And love yourself. What you tell yourself is what others see.
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