A
female
age
51-59,
*echisera
writes:Hello to all,I just recently got out of a 14 month relationship with what I thought was a great guy, we met through friends. I had been separated from previous 8 year relationship for 2 years and figured it was time to give dating a try!! We seemed to have hit it off and enjoyed each other as much as we could. He fell inlove with me within a few months and would get upset because it was taking me longer to say I LOVE YOU 2!! I guess that was because I was guarding my heart and taking things slow. He was goin through divorce and I was understanding of his whole ordeal.I never really thought about it till just a few months ago... we really didn't go out much, and that was ok with me...cause he would come over to my place to see me every chance he had. He would say that he just enjoyed spendin alone time, just him and me! To make a long story short... He turned out to be this very insecure/jealous, needy and disrespectful person. He didn't want us to go anywhere because that meant worrying about other men looking at me... Or if I wore a top a bit to lowcut, I could see it in his face that it was goin to be a bad day! I slowly became to lose that love I was feeling for him, avoided talking or seeing him...this drove him mad and made the relationship harder to work on. I broke it off completely last week, and miss him dearly. But I know that its for the better, I don't deserve to be in an unhealthy relationship...none of us do!! We work in the same building and I'm so scared of how I will react when I do bump into him???? He's not tried to call/txt msg me since last. Week. But he did txt my daughter asking for a wash card he left behind...this made me so mad, because he couldve just bought a new card. Why do men do this?? I txt msgd him and asked that he please cut all ties, and that includes all communication w/my daughter. We go back and forth for a minute and left things as is. The next mornin I sent him txt msg and he never replied back. This really saddened me, because I honestly thought he loved me.I'm so confused... I love him but don't deserve to be in a relationship with a man who still wants to act like he's in high school. Btw, he's 34.I want to work things out but I can't change him, he needs to change for himself! Right? Im tired of his drama,I really am. Lost and Confused
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female
reader, hechisera +, writes (24 July 2009):
hechisera is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI seen the red flags early on,and shouldve just walked away...but I'm not perfect, I wanted to believe in him.I just need to suck it up and remember that LIFE is to short to be miserable. Thank you very much!!
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (24 July 2009):
It sounds as if you have worked all this out and I agree with your position - he's NOT someone who you can have a relationship with, he's got some serious issues, and you are 100% correct, you can't change him - and it sounds like he's not even willing to admit he has a problem.I agree with the first responder - you've taken the hardest step, DO NOT GO BACK. I'm sorry that you've been through this, especially after not having dated for a while. Our histories sound really similar. I was in a 10+ year relationship (7 year marriage) that ended in divorce and at 40 found myself single (and a bit wounded)- after many months, I got back out there dating and after a year and a half found a woman that I could actually be in a relationship with (I found several nice but wounded women). I too moved slowly, primarily because I wanted to MAKE SURE I was in the relationship for the right reason, and not just "looking for a relationship". As a parent you need to move slowly, as your relationship is going to introduce an adult into your child’s life. It took me 1.5 years to propose and we just celebrated 7 years of marriage. Today life is good - no drama, no fighting, no tears. We love each other and are here for each other. IMO, look back and see if you can objectively identify some traits that might have tipped you off to the negative things about this guy and see if you can identify things to look out for in your next BF... we all seem to be attracted to people with similar traits, unless we can spot them and avoid them.Best of luck!
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