A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, Am struggling following the break-up of a sexual relationship with a married man. We started as friends, which evolved into a FWB. We would hang out if I made plans for movies etc. Even though he always said how much he would like to take me out, he couldn't because of his family. He has a 10 y old and his wife who is a homemaker.Anyway, things came to a head this past weekend where I just sort of was fed up with the situation. And he got pissed off because I want 'more'. Bottom line- I don't want to see him again. I honestly don't understand why I am feeling so low over a married, fat, bald 40 y old. It's not that I want to marry him or see any future with him. I enjoyed being around him - and the fact that we could talk about everything and anything - work, investments, travel. I thought we would eventually transition into an older brother-like figure relationship. I didn't expect to be so angry. I am trying very hard to not contact him and have completed day 1, but am feeling low and it seems hard to cope. I know it's for the best, but....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2016): OP here.Thank you for your replies. I miss him and the idea of him, but know I need to let go.I know I have been 'settling'- low self esteem issues? I am confident at work and successful, but not confident in my personal relationships. My previous boyfriend of five years cheated for 2/3 of our time together. Going from a guy who adored me for 2 years and made me feel loved to a 5 y relationship where I was crying practically every weekend- and finally getting out was difficult.I had been with the married man now for four years-we started at this new company together. But I know I want more and deserve more. I don't understand how a 32 y old woman, with a Ph.D in cancer research can make such poor choices in her personal relationships. In following through with my decision on no contact, I am staying away from his family as well. But I miss seeing them too- but honestly believe they will also be better off not having me around. It sounds stupid- but I always did think that I didn't deserve to be happy since I was cheating with someone's husband- someone who was sort of a friend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2016): It'll pass.It's good that you stopped seeing him. Even though you enjoyed the times you had, you must know that he was bettter off. He lied to his wife so that he could do as he pleased and he had no obligations to you. He didn't even have to make an effort of taking you out (he alawys had and excuse taht he was married!).I don't like the fact that he got pissed off. It shows that you were nothing but a convenience tp him and that you turned into nuisance. If he cared at all he would have done it differently and not act like a selfish boy that he is.Please please please whenever you have an urge to contact him or write back if he contacts you, bear in mind that it will mean that you ACCEPT his behaviour and that he had the right to be angry. That you are just a silly little woman with her whims. You're trhirty and something and alone. That is why you are sad. You are not pining for him specifically but for a partner, a person to share your life with.Well, now you have the space that this married man had been wrongfully taking (ok it had been given to him :).He will give you nothing more than he already had - occasional sex. That's it. It's a take it or leave it thing.I think you have already made your decision. And it's a good one. Just stick with it. Go out. Meet people. Move! Don't sit around, alone it may lead to something you'll regret.
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (19 January 2016):
 Your resulting feelings as a result of your situation are completely normal and I do sympathize with you.Please be cautious and forgiving with yourself. It is very easy to start doing self-destructive things to "punish" yourself.Personally, I think you let your guard down and "settled". Perhaps too, there was a bit of excitement in that you were doing something taboo that made you interested in pursuing this situation. Either way, I urge you to take some time for self reflection and asked why you set aside your standards and what you truly want out of a relationship and a partner.You are allowed a fresh start here and I hope, if anything, you come away with a bit of wisdom and self knowledge. Sometimes we have to sample something we don't want in order to know what we do want.Eddie
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 January 2016):
 You feel angry and low because in the end you wanted more than what he could give. His loyalties lie with his child and with his wife, and this is a bitter pill for any mistress to swallow. Many people will say told you so, as it is usually the 'other woman' that ends up hurt and alone, while he sleeps soundly at night beside his wife, he was having his cake and eating it as well.
Good for you for making the decision to leave him for good. It will be difficult, but it will get easier and it will make you much happier in the long run. Keep yourself busy so you don't feel alone and bored, take up hobbies.
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