A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Well,in the last two months, to failed relationships, so girls, would you rather be ghost, or cheated on, at least cheated on, you know why, it ended, so at fifty nine, do I change, stop being romantic, no more opening car doors, helping putting on there coats, poems, compliments, sweet talking, try to make them feel special, because it don't seem to be working.I see guys treating women like shit, and the women love it.I just don't know how to be that way.Do you have any tips,on how I can be that way, am getting tired, being the guy, that gets ^^^ed over for trying, to be the nice guy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2016): You seem to be under the mistaken impression that women will trust & respect you if only they believed your claims of being a nice guy.
You are misinformed. They already know you are a nice guy. They already believe it. They are not attracted to nice guys. They don't respect nice guys. They don't TRUST nice guys.
Women want, respect, and trust alphas. Doing a better job of convincing them that you are a beta is not the answer.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 January 2016):
 OK, so let's recap :
you are doing all the right moves, there's nothing in your demeanour / attitude / habits/courting strategy that could/should be modified or improved.
You are a flawless, all around nice guy that can't ever do wrong, and that any reasonable woman would be happy to have, if only they were reasonable, but they aren't.
The way you treat a woman or talk to her ( sweet talk, in fact ), the way you act around women , the kind of attentions you give them is the perfect , one-size-fits-all approach for ANY woman of ANY description, if they only were smart enough to realize it.
You are potentially God gift's to womanhood, if only women weren't so perverse to prefer other less deserving men to you.
Then,... I am afraid that nobody here or elsewhere can give you advice or help . There's no solution, if it's all about random ,capricious sheer luck, and a general passion of women for being abused and ill- treated.
Because you can never change other people, you can only change yourself. And by changing I do not mean changing your basic, inner nature, which you could not change anyway- but your outlook / demands/ expectations / plans.
If you believe that for you to find your match ,.... it's the whole female gender , or at least such a big part of it,that needs to change and adjust, then yeah, it's definitely a tall order. No much you can do about it, if it's always ALL on them.
I guess you don't believe at all in " first time shame on you, second time shame on me "?.... It's a sound principle, though- if something keeps happening, and happening again, again and again, it may be worth a look to see how you may have contributed to the situation.
Like, you keep chancing into women who will discard a true gentleman in favour of some uncouth jerks ?.... Well, then ask yourself why you keep being attracted to women who love jerks and ne'er do well types. Obviously what counts for them is not what counts for you . You must have very different values, priorities, life goals,.....BUT nonetheless you go after THEM, rather than after the polite, sober, romantic, cuddly, couple-oriented lady who would be your match.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): I. Am considerd, a romantic, am not fake, am old fashion how I treat women, I was with someone for nine years, I treated her the same, every day of those nine years, but we broke up, cause she never said she loved me,I have mentioned, to women friends of mine, about changing, they tell me to be myself, they know me, they know am kind, am not putting up a front, to get women, women, say they want a nice guy, but when they find one, they dump, him for a bad boy, you see all my women friends come to me for advice, in all these years not one has come back an said I was wrong, they say they wish that they would of took my advice, for myself, from now on the first red flag ,am gone, an for what kind of women, I go after, they are all different, I own my own house, I don't drink, good job, they say good looken,I like going to parks, holding hand, plays, dancing, shopping, movies, nice restaurants, am not wild, am all around nice guy,but am not a challenge, they don't have to change me, am a sweet talker, but young lady's, I have guy friends, who are just the opposite, they, either treat them like shit, an the women fall in love with them, ask the same women, before they meet them, they will say they want a nice guy, no they don't, an I live in the real world, so when you women say am wrong, no am not, I don't think am a know it all, facts are the facts, you are just lucky you found someone, good
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): I think that the reason what you're doing isn't working is that it isn't real. You don't mean it. It's all false and a pretence. You've maybe read somewhere that this is what women like so you're going through the motions but the real connection with a person that would make these moves a success, isn't there. Just be you for goodness sake. Women are real people who don't just want some man making some moves, trying to impress and court. There's a guy that I'm crazy about and he is SO popular with women. Know why? Because he is a genuinely lovely man, with a great personality, humour etc. He is just himself. He's fun, he likes woman and relates to them really well AS PEOPLE AND AS FRIENDS. Yes, he flirts, but he does it as a bit of fun and he's lovely to be around. He doesn't try too hard. He's just himself. Get to know a woman as a person. Be you. Forget the rose petals and all the other meaningless moves you've been trying and try to get to know them. Be interested in them. Because what you're doing reeks of desperation and insincerity. That's it, that's the word. It is all so insincere. That's why it's not working. Women want a real person as a mate. If you are being you, you'll find the right one for you. Stop acting and trying to second guess what women want. Meet someone you like and get to know them. Relax. Stop the pretence.The only way I can describe this is in a situation I see every week. The man I said I really like goes dancing a few times a week as do I. He is friendly and sincere. He talks to the women he dances with. He laughs with them and gets to know them slowly. As a result, after dancing with some of the woman who are his friends now, he kisses them on the cheek and they are very happy for him to do that. He is a friend. You can see some of the women would like more from him as he's lovely and good fun. Now there's another man who goes dancing at the same venues. I have danced with him many times. He has never said one word to me. If I ask him how he is I get a one word answer and no enquiry about myself. Yet he tries to behave with me like my friend does, but without the background effort and time put in. He's started to put his head next to my head when he dances with me because this is what my friend does. With my friend it feels perfectly natural because I have got to know him and trust him. With this other chap, it feels uncomfortable and ridiculous because we don't know each other. He also now kisses me on the cheek and I don't like it, because he has no real reason to. Yet my friend does because we have a connection. Hearing about what you try to do with women reminds me of this. Be a friend first. Genuinely try to learn about them as people, not as someone to act in a certain way with. Only when you're yourself, will you be able to find someone who's right for you and you're right for her. If that happens, then somewhere down the line, you'll be able to surprise her with rose petals etc and it will be appreciated because it will actually mean something. Not just a move. You said it yourself 'trying to be the nice guy' That stands out a mile to a woman on a date with you. That you're TRYING to be a nice guy. Just be you!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): I agree with Honeypie.I would just like to add that you need to find a pattern in the kind of women you are interested in.People who complain the most how single they are usually have a predefines idea of what kind of person they are looking for even if they are not aware of it. (and I'm not talking about nice, kind, loves animals ...). Maybe you get the women you want but are not interested in the whole package? Maybe they are not interested in you because they don't share your interests? Maybe you're just pushing too hard and are not ready for a realtionship?Give yourself time. Be nice to yourself. If you are looking for someone kindhearted why not volunteer at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen? Thing could be more casual that way if you meet someone you like. You'd get to know that person slowly. I undertsand the usefulness of dating sites, but they always create pressure. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 January 2016):
If you keep doing the same things you'll get the same results.
And if you keep asking the same questions, you'll get the same answers :).
You have asked this before, not long ago, and more or less the consensus was : yeah, tune it down. You are trying too hard, and doing too much too soon. Some women may be flattered, but many will be turned off. A gentleman we like, a lapdog we don't. Fine with the opening doors and helping with coats ( if you do it casually and discreetly, without making a major production out of it, in other words if it comes natural to you and it's not just because you want to impress ) . Poems, "sweet talks ", rose petals , tons of compliments right from date one, will feel fake and contrived and pushy to a woman that does not know you very well yet.
You also have been told , I think, that there's something in between ( in fact, a looot in between ) being clingy, needy and cheesy- and being the classic scumbag badboy.
You can treat women well and be nice to them also without having to drown them in molasses first.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 January 2016):
 I don't know any woman who "loves" being treated like dirt, I REALLY don't. It's such a CLICHE, if you ask me.
Same with "good guys finish last" because I don't think that is true either. Every time I hear a guy say that he is a nice guy... I sort of doubt it, because if you HAVE to tell people that you are nice... are you really sure that is HOW people (in your case woman) see you?
When it comes to dating these days, I think it's ALWAYS wise to GO slow, take your time getting to know the person, the persons values, morals, beliefs etc. before getting to deeply involved.
And you GOT to have patience with the process. Specially if you date online. There is too much crap to wade through, too many people who aren't honest and upfront about who they are and what they want.
Go slow, don't expect EVERY lady you take out on a date to be the future missus. It might take you 15 tries to find someone who is a good match, and not just on "paper". KNOW what you want. If you have gone for a certain "type" or age group, switch it up and try something different. Make yourself stand out, NOT with "white lies" on your profile but in being creative with dates.(and that doesn't mean spend MORE money, just BE creative - instead of a lunch in the same old same old, have a picnic in the park (in spring/summer of course) If you know she really likes art - spend a Saturday at the museum (good thing about that is that you can TALK while enjoying the art).
If you think treating woman like crap will get you a life partner, then good luck with that.
...............................
|
