A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been divorced from my husband for a year and in that time i have been celibate. I still see my ex husband ocassionally because sometimes i get stranded especially when my car breaks down. The reason why we broke up was because he was physically and mentally abusive towards me... in the relationship i could never do anything right in his eyes. He also had a big drinking problem. I am having alot of problems moving on and getting into another relatinship because of the abuse and alot of time i am very very lonely. I go for counselling but that doesn't seem to help.The problem is that i am also in need of sex very badly but i am not able to open up enough to someone to get top the emotional stage to have sex. I have considered having sex with my ex husband i know it is a bad idea especially since he totally denies the abuse. there is a strong possiblity that i might end up in the same situation i was in before. There is also a friend at work that i have considered asking for oral but i know that is also a bad idea because we work together. What should i do? How can i remain celibate and be happy about it and not feel frustrated or should i just have random sex?
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at work, broke up, celibate, divorce, my ex, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Buy a really good expensive and effective vibrator. Use that to kill the sexual urge and just keep trying to date.
Having him in your life still might be what's holding you back. You suffered years of abuse at his hand but you still haven't completely let go, if he's still in your life and you still rely on him for practical things then you still rely on him a bit emotionally too.
You're young, just get rid of your baggage i.e. him and go out and have some fun, I mean date guys not just random encounters as you'll just get hurt in the long run to fulfill a need that a good vibrator will take the edge off. It won't completely replace a man but at least it doesn't talk back.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): First off, don't go back to the abuser, and you should probably distance yourself more from him.
Secondly, a year out from an abusive relationship is NOT very much time, continue work with the counselor.
Learn to please yourself sexually, and work on getting into activities that will allow you to meet other people of like minds.
Random sex or FWB's is a bad idea for people who have a history of relationship problems, it's really only good for people with a streak of narcissism who don't mind hurting other people. People with your history tend to have random sex partners that end up hurting them, and it can become self destructive.
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