A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I need some good advice. My wife has told me she is lonely when she is home alone.She doesnt have much family here. Just one sister. I make good money, we have a nice home, two good cars, big screen tv, the works.But my job is always changing my schedule. Right now I work from 2p-midnight. She gets home from work at 5p and goes to sleep around 10p. So When I get home she's already asleep. And when she wakes up to go to work I'm still sleeping. Recently she has been telling me she gets lonely. And to top it off she's 2 months pregnant! I just want some tips on what I can do to make her not feel so lonely? I don't want this to damage our relationship. SHe feels neglegted?Thanks
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Cerebus is right on the money, I'd say! Perhaps the lonely thing is due to hormones?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 PS. I just saw Rambini's answer, where she suggests a surprise dinner. If your wife likes surprises that could be great, but me personally I dont like surprises and it would be the worst idea if your wife is anything like me. I say surprises are fine, but make sure your wife likes surprises... If your wife does not enjoy surprises that much, planning ahead will be a better option, then she can look forward to it.
Another thing I can add in is that you need give her some sort of regularity in all of this. So that she knows she can count on you, and wont have to wonder when the next time will be, or if there will ever be a next time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (5 May 2010):
Work less or change work hours? Your wife is pregnant and needs your support! She will need you more and more as she at the end of pregnancy will not be working, but staying at home. I think you should look into arrangements and PLAN things with her. A woman usually feels less lonely and neglected if she has something she can look forward to. Something she can plan for. Plan how you will do things now that she is pregnant. Look for baby things. Try and figure out a workable schedule for when she's in the 8th-9th month and needs you more. Plan to be more at home with her during the last months of pregnancy and after the baby is born? She will need your help after the child is born, even if you still have your job you will also be a father! That means you have to wake up in the middle of the night as well, even if you go to bed at 2am. Try and think about these things, and how you will do it. And talk to your wife about it. The more she can see you are involved and dedicated, the less neglected she will feel.
Send her cute text during the day! Give her flowers. Take her out on dates. Plan things to do together in the weekends since you don't get to spend time together during the week. Clean up the apartment before you leave for work so she can come home to a clean and fresh smelling home. That always works for me, I feel delighted when things are clean.
I believe there are many things you can do. So, ask your wife for ideas as well, just make sure that when you ask you sound happy and excited, and not make it sound like she's been nagging.
And, cuddle! And have sex! How about you take a round in the morning before she showers and leaves for work? You can always go back to sleep again afterwards. Or you can have a little night-time fun and then go back to sleep. Take naughty pics for each other and leave under the pillow as a surprise or something hehe. There's a zillion things you can do, you just have to figure out what your wife will enjoy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Congratulations on the pregnancy.
Not knowing the nature of your work makes it hard to advise you but picking up the phone and talking about nothing for half an hour during your break can do wonders for her.
Overall I think she needs more contact with not only you but others, book clubs, film clubs, inviting the neighbours over for dinner etc all these could help boost her.
But try the little things too, get a post-it notepad if you dont already have one, or stick a mini whiteboard on the fridge and leave her little messages around the place for her to find. I used to do that when I was working split shifts. I'd hide them on things like the coffee in the press. I'd put things like "what you see here is true beauty" or "the face of my world and my love" with an arrow pointing up on the bathroom mirror.
Little things can remind her she is not alone, and perhaps with some activites she could do while you're not at home.
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 I can understand why she feels lonely, maybe she could go to anti-natal classes, they often do ones like aerobics or swimming or coffee mornings, and that way she might be able to meet other expecting mothers, which will be nice for her. The difficulty is that when she says she is lonely, she probably means she misses you rather than just company generally. It is difficult, but the only thing you can really do is spend quality time with her on your days off. Maybe organise a nice surprise for her, like a day trip or a picnic, or a meal out. It will remind her that you love her and want to spend time with her. But working that shift is going to cause problems long term, as it is very important to spend time together, especially because she is pregnant and needs your support as her hormones will be all over the place.
A nice surprise might be to take a day off work, but not tell her, then cook her a romantic home cooked meal, so when she gets in from work she doesnt expect to see you at home and it is a total surprise. Then have a nice meal and rent a movie, she will love this.
good luck and congratulations on the pregnancy!
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