A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it my over thinking or are people really only looking for hookups on online dating? I'm lesbian and I rely on online dating to reach lesbian chics to the masses. My problem is chics just wanna f*ck. Now I love sex, but I'm only into sex with a partner I love n the relationship is actually going someone. I feel so premodern era with my views. Chics I meet in the real world mistake me for straight. I'm thinking of buying some symbolic gay pride accessories. I am very very attractive smart and well educated nice job with the City. Chics I meet that are lesbians are unemployed, met 3 in this week alone none of whom worked. I'm like is this a pandemic. What am I doing wrong with attracting lesbians? What can I use or where can I go to attract lesbians? I have no problem with dating an unemployed lesbian just after a while its boring bc it feels like ur exhausting energy n money to get to know someone n what are they contributing. Pls advice insight appreciated, even from heterosexuals.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 August 2013):
Dear OP,
Well, I met my last girlfriend during my education. I was open about being lesbian (rainbow sticker on my cell phone, occasionally wearing rainbow belt and a gay marriage sticker on my handbag), she said she was curious if she was lesbian, too. So first we became best friends, went to lesbian events together.. and finally we realized we're more than just friends :).
Also, I went to gay/lesbian clubs with some lgbt friends. I met them by chance, because once I was out, even though I look feminine, people introduced me to lesbian or bi-curious friends.
I'm bisexual and now that I'm single, I also don't have a clue where I'd meet a nice woman outside online dating. I don't like the local lesbian scene, they're not very approving of feminine styled women and the fact that I'm not a 100% lesbian. It's a small town, so everybody knows each other and it's hard to be the new one there.
Well, to sum it up: It's not so easy to find a match, but being out and maybe wearing symbolic stuff with a rainbow sticker will help you. Of course, if you're going to look all butch, it's easier for people to guess your orientation.. but if you're a feminine personality, please stay that way! Don't change all of your style just because you like women. It's not authentic and it will look fake on you.
Good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): There are a lot of LGBT organizations that require volunteers; and you meet the nicest people there.
You can also check your local gay publications for activities like sports and fund-raisers, that are apart from just the usual gay-bar scene. They're not bad either,
just for socializing and a drink. Not reliable places for finding the best quality dates.
There are a lot of great women's groups that invite women of all orientations that travel, meet for hobby interests; or the singles mixes that often pop up from time to time.
You and I share the same feelings about online-dating. People swear by them. The evidence of success is basically anecdotal; or what you read from dating sites trying to make a buck. Online shopping for dates.
I participate in church activities at a gay-friendly church, volunteer time, and I attend charity events that benefit society as a whole. Gay people tend to gravitate toward each other naturally.
I've made many friends and connections. This sort of networking will prove beneficial in the dating area as well; because it's usually single and available people with that sort of time on their hands.
They have a giving and consciousness nature; so it's a win win situation all around. You get to meet great people and volunteer your time. You feel wonderful being able to give back. You also learn to be less selfish.
I don't really go out on a mission. If I meet a nice guy along the way, it's usually incidental. I'm getting over a breakup; so at the moment, it's dinner or dancing. Mainly just for the fun of it. Nothing is serious.
Go to live concerts with your friends. Gay women love the arts; and many of my lesbian friends met their mates and/or partners on outings sponsored by our local LGBT organizations. Mostly by coincidence. They just ran into each other.
Join a gay bowling-league, play softball, or take a lesbian cruise. There are a lot of ladies looking for the same thing you are.
The minute you stop "looking" for someone, is when they find you. That's how you usually find the one meant for you.
All you have to do is be receptive, available, and friendly.
All these match-maker sites will swear by their formulas and this and that. I don't believe you can create chemistry that wasn't sparked spontaneously between people. It works on the same principal as a fixed marriage. You find two single people and push them together. They fall in-love with love, and each others profiles.
They stay together out of desperation, done with the frustration of searching, and exhausted by a series of failed relationships. Utter defeat.
Patience wins over desperation every-time. If you believe you are worthy of a good mate, and willing to broaden your selection of lady-types, you'll meet that special lady.
Try a few unorthodox methods. Be creative.
If you're head-strong about having a relationship, you'll be less selective; and jump into the first one that comes along. It's doomed from the start, if you chose this approach.
However; immediate gratification is the what most people want. They by-pass the tedium of the selective process.
They wonder why relationships fail time and time again.
Bad taste and impatience.
If you're shopping profiles, desperate, and willing to pay for a virtual mail-order bride/hubbie, or easy sex; shop online. You've been there, and know what I'm talking about.
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