A
male
age
51-59,
*onym
writes:I saw a girl for two years, then I find out she is seeing someone else. I’m hurt but walk away wishing all the best with meaning. It hurt me but remained calm and asked no questions. I aimed for a friendship. We all work in the same building. I caused no trouble.This all took place in Dec 07. I have no idea if she is seeing the other guy still, though I suspect she is.Initially she came crying weeks after saying it was all a mess, I replied not in a cocky way I’m ok, you need to decide what you want.From then throughout the year she has been hot and cold with me on occasions saying odd things, even following me in rooms. I’ve struggled to understand this attitude, as I looked at it like this. She decided to be with someone else, though she didn’t tell me, I walk away causing no problems, so as a guy I don’t know what the issue is with me as there clearly is one. ??Several weeks ago I heard something had gone on with her (office gossip) in relation to her and the other in terms that all wasn’t well, I try not to engage or listen but if you care sometimes you can’tFive weeks ago whilst in work 2pm on a Sunday afternoon I just get up form my desk and I bumped into her in the corridor, I said hi, she said hi, and then I have something for you to read, in the back of her book was a bizarre note about someone having caused her some problems with the other guy, it took me a moment to realise it was an accusation but not even a direct one. I challenged it, she said forget I showed you over and over and almost burst into tears, then walked off.I was angry she thought id caused and shocked by the bizarre approach, I text her out of my anger saying that was unfair and if your objective was to make me not want to speak to you, look at you and now be unable to find one attractive quality about you, you have succeeded and I don’t know what drama I going on but do not drag me into it You are not worth my attention of friendship. I didn’t receive any response.This week I finished nights and went to my car on the car park, I noticed she had already arrived in, and saw her car in a dark corner. She will have seen mine and known I was due to leave. Next she appears back on the car park attempting to put water in her wash bottles in the dark, when she would be there all day when it got lighter!!! She knew any moment I would be there, this is the sort of trick I would have done the year before!! When she came on the car park I just said morning, I didn’t look at her or hear any response. I got in my car and went.I don’t like having fallen out and my question is three fold. 1) Why have I had this treatment all year 2) why the bizarre way of approaching me with the note 3) I want to say in a Christmas card let's at least be friends, as I can see no reason why we are like we are? The time of year I think gives me that opportunity I would appreciate any views.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): Dear Poster
This lady is obviously very confused. It sounds as if she knew you had feelings for you and was keeping that is an alternative options in the back of her mind. Sort of, if things are not working well with the other guy, you are there. I am not sure what her intentions might have been with the note, but it could be that she was hoping for a different reaction from you, she probably thought or hoped that you would "fight" for her or tell her to let go of the other guy, put your arms around her and declare your love. I am afraid only she will know the answer; but I doubt if she will be prepared to give you an honest answer. As for the water in the car at that time of day; it sounds as if she was trying to get your attention. She might have regrets about her choices she made, about her behavior with the letter; she might want to test your reaction and try and see if you still care; again, to speculate about why she did it, will be a waste of time. I do think there are unresolved issues between the two of you. Have a cup of coffee with her and talk about things. Get closure. Yes, you can remain friends, but I do think you should be very careful with this lady. Don't allow her to mess you around or play with your feelings. Don't let her keep you hanging around on a string, living with hope.
Best wishes and lots of smiles.
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