A
female
age
41-50,
*SL2
writes:I have been involved with a married man for 2and a half months and things started off really well and he used to pay me so much attention but recently, things have just gone downhill he hardly calls or makes any effort to stay in touch.Although he told me he was in love with me, his actions say otherwise. Recently I gave him something which he had been wanting for a long time and the last time I saw him, he had put a picture of his wife on it. This hurt me so much and I am beggining to think maybe things are getting better at home and that is why he is loosing interest in me.The funny thing though is that this guy is someone I would not really consider dating in everyday life but somehow I not only dated him, but I gave him my heart, which I know now was a stupid thing to do. I am trying to figure out whether the whole relationship was based on lies or maybe all he wanted was to sleep with me. He claims his wife is a nightmare to live with and he does not love her anymore. He also says she never gives him sex. I called him yesterday to tell him I felt I cannot do this anymore but becoz he was working, he has not even called as he promised to discuss this issue.Although he seems like a nice guy, I find it difficult to believe what he says to me becoz his actions say otherwise. I am just so confused and I have stopped making any contact with him but I have a feeling he will get on just fine without me and will forget me very easily.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I can relate here's my story.
I'm a 37 year old married woman currently separated from my husband and I'm seeing a married man P. It was fun when it started because we both thought it would be a fling. I met him February 24, 2008 during that time I had advised him that I and my husband were getting ready to go through a separation and we just needed to decide who was going to move out. He said he too was separated.
Well after seeing this man and hanging out all hours of the night with him I decided it was best I move out so that I wouldn't continue to disrespect my husband and marriage while living at home. I held up to my end of bargain as stated when I first met this dude. I've been in my apartment since March 27, 2008 (approximately 2 1/2 months).
Even with all the hanging out to the early hours of the morning, the next day or even Mothers Day weekend in Galveston Texas. That's right Mothers Day Weekend. Can you believe this man is actively living at home with his wife? He says he's in love me and he loves me very deeply but he's still at home with his wife and two sons 6 and 8. We spend 4-6 days out of the week together. He comes straight after work around 6p-10p and sometimes he'll go home and come around 7p-4a. We even hang out on one if not both weekend days. During that time we go to the clubs for drinks, dancing and entertainment. He gives me money and lots of quality time. Did I mention that we also spend my lunch breaks together from 2-3 days weekly when he's in between work assignments? My friends say I see him more than they see there single boyfriends.
With all that being said he's still at home with his wife V. I've come to the painful conclusion that this man despite what he says is at home with his wife because he wants to be. That's so painful because I'm deeply in love with this man. At the age of 37 I have fallen in love for the first time. It's so sad that I must end it. It has only been several months (February 24, 2008 till now June 12, 2008). I refuse to let it go on for 6 months or more. I've just started seeing a therapist as of yesterday because I really need help. I'm in too deep to go through this alone. I want to take full responsibly by addressing the real issue of what's going on with me the reason why I'm in this situation.
I love him very much but I don't want to continue down this pathway the way it is because it's very destructive to me and my self esteem. I have become so emotional since all of this. I'm often sad and I cry a lot. I'm not really enjoying life these days. Here it is I've finally gotten away from my husband just to go through this stupid stuff. Life should be great for me right now. Let me explain why. I had weight loss surgery nearly two years ago and I just recently had a tummy tuck. I've also landed a new career making 10k more than previous job. I am really tripping.
Also let's touch on the subject of my husband. He's made some real changes since I've been gone but not enough to bring me home. How ever my therapist asked me a question about my husband and my response was “if we were stranded and we only had one piece of chicken he would give it to me while he starved". The therapist said “WOW! You still admire him". I've never thought of it like that. May be I have all that I need. Anyway I’m not sure but I will finish out my six month apartment lease.
I'm ashamed because I just want things to work out between P and myself but I know it's not. Did I mention he had and eight year affair that just ended prior to us meeting? This is someone he was seeing before and after him and Vgot married. Yes, he was seeing this woman T for all of his marriage. He told me she finally broke it off because she just couldn't take it anymore however they still talk according to him and the phone bill.
As of today June 13, 2008 he has finally told me he just can’t leave right now because his boys wouldn’t understand. However he would like me to wait but go on with my life. Go figure. My heart is relieved but crushed. Now that I finally have the truth as far as where I stand I think I can move on. I am hurt and sad but I will get over it. We also have been dating around 3 months.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): hi this is the first time that i have been on this, i am 21 and i got involved with a married man how was at the time 39 he is know 40 anyway we started talking on the internet and we talked for a couple of months flirting talking every single day. and then we decided to meet and from the very first meeting we were attracrted to each other and after 3 days we were sleeping together. and to the point we had a strange thing going he would treat me like crap never turn up if we were going to meet, never go on interent or never text me back at first eveything was great and then things got worse and worse i mean the sex was allways great but then his wife found out about me and since then she has been texting me asking what was going on with him acting really nicely and he has got back in contact in chatroom saying this is the only place we can talk asking me not to say anything and he is sorry, am just so confused about everyhting at the min i still love him and he took a piece of my heart when he left and u can say getting involved with a married man is wrong but it happens and we end up paying the price. just wonderd if any one had any advice to help me. as i offerd my phone number if he wanted to talk, and he said he still has number which i asked him to delete why keep it. anyway hope u can help.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Never play with fire, you will only get burned.
I am glad that you realized your follies and quit before any real damage was done.
For further readings;-
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/359231/is_it_time_to_end_your_relationship.html?cat=41
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A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Hey Sweetie,
I think you've answered your own question really, this man's not treating you well at all, and never will while he is married.
It sounds as though he has no intention of leaving his wife, so yes, it is time to end the fling, before you get hurt anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): never get involved with a married man? its gross first off & they never leave their wife... & even if he did once a cheat always a cheat he will turn around & do the same to you... is that wht u wnt hun? & as for your problem sound like he loves his wife but men dnt cheat on their wife because they dnt love them men cheat because they r stupid...men will tell u any thing to get some booty including how much his wife puts him thru... sounds like b.s to me.. I see my male friends do this all the time...now either you've become a nag for him & he doesn't wnt to deal with that or he mabe feeling guilt for wha he's doing to his wife orrrr he simply has found another conquest & is bored with you... JUST GET RID OF THIS MAN HE SOUNDS SELFISH & HE DNT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU!
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A
female
reader, AskRosie +, writes (25 May 2008):
 In my opinion getting involved with a married man is never a good idea. If he's stringing you along finish with him. He could be telling you things and making you feel important. If he's not really in to you then finish with him before you get really hurt. He could be telling you something and another thing to another person. He's cheating on his wife and he could be cheating on you to. He's a love rat,Good Luckrosiexx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I think that the reason you are finding it so hard to trust this man and why you don't really believe what he tells you is because he is a dishonest man. I know this because he is cheating on his wife. He is having an affair with you rather than working on his marriage at home.
He is dishonest and despicable. He has lured you into a trap, but you have a great opportunity now to escape from this situation.
I am sorry to say this, but I think he is getting bored with you. He is a cheat and he has probably had affairs before with other women. He is refusing to talk to you about what is going on which shows a total lack of interest on his behalf. Just move on sweety. He won’t forget you, you are his guilty little secret and that's all he ever wanted you to be. He will move on fast though. And that is what you should do. Forget this man.
If you don't contact him again then he will be the one left wondering where you went, rather than you wondering why he has deserted you.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Leaving aside the moral issues of becoming involved with someone married or who has a partner, take a look at the practical issues of your relationship.
Your question title asks whether you should end this fling. The answer may be in asking yourself why you started it and why he started it. Two and a half months is not long for any sort of relationship. In other circumstances, in circumstances where he was not married and assuming there was an attraction that might have been love in the first place, it's hardly long enough to have explored any real feelings.
Let's take what he said at face value for a moment, and assume he wasn't lying. He told you that his wife is a nightmare to live with, he does not love her any more, and "she never gives him sex". That's an interesting phrase: "She never gives him sex". Not "They don't make love" and not even "They don't have sex any more." If that's what he actually said, then that is probably more significant than anything else he has said. Sex isn't something you "give" in any proper relationship. It's something you share and enjoy. It's as though he sees sex, with his wife at least, as no more than a means of relieving a physical need.
Certainly for some people that's all sex is. If he is one of those, then I doubt very much whether his feelings go any deeper for you than a basic sexual desire. It may be, unfortunately, that his feeling for his wife aren't much deeper than that either, and if that's the case it's hardly surprising that his relationship with his wife is not as solid as it should be.
Having said that, all marriages go through problems. At some point during most long-term relationships there comes a time when everything is not going smoothly and the temptation to "have an affair" is very strong. My guess would be that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that you mistook a need and an attraction for a genuine interest in forming a long-term relationship.
So what do you do now?
I'm sure it's time to stop. I doubt very much whether he will forget you, and I doubt very much whether you will forget him. That's all right. It really sounds to me as though your relationship could never have gone any further than it has already, and if I understand you correctly you really do want something much more than that. Move on. Remember the good bits of this and forget the bad bits. Put it down to experience; a mistake that was enjoyable when you started doing it but that you know you shouldn't have done and that could never have worked.
Let it drift away. If he tries to re-start it again in the future, then that's the time to tell him it's not going to work - and maybe, if you are brave enough and strong enough, to tell him that if he paid as much attention to his wife then maybe he wouldn't have problems at home.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Let this be a very valuable lesson to you!!!!! Married men are a TOTAL NO NO.
Men like him are selfish,disgraceful little boys, who need naive and gullible women like you to pamper their OVER-INFLATED EGOS. You my dear fell for the oldest trick in the world of adultreous married men whinging about their spouses who do not understand them or the absolute classical line 'We don't have sex anymore Boo Hoo Boo Hoo'!!! If this guy is someone who you do not normally go for..... Why on earth did you go there? Its because it something very exciting going with a guy who is clearly UNAVAILABLE. He will never be entirely yours in a millon years dear.
Why do you want to lower yourself and have an affair with a married man??? There are a bear ammount of single men out there looking for a potential partner. don't even give him the satisfaction of ever contacting this jerk again.
He has a wife and family and he certainly does not need a poor little limpet like you hanging on to him for dear life. Move on and forget he even existed.
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