A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my long distance partner for 3 years. I am travelling overseas and planning to live with him when I get back. But I don't believe in our relationship anymore. I care for him and want him to be happy. I do love him, but we have barely kept in touch and I have been happy not to... He hasn't really kept in touch like he used to either. Ive sent long emails about my trip and he has barely responded, sometimes not at all, as if he isn't interested. Sometimes I've thought it would be easier to be single... Not that I am looking for other men, I have just been so happy travelling on my own and meeting other people, I've just felt like content to be alone. I felt bad for leaving him to go travelling for a couple of months, and i asked him if he wanted to split, but he said he was happy to wait.The crux is, this trip has made me see that i want to do so much with my life, and live in other countries, but he is the stay at home type and he is older than me, and isn't interested in the same things as me. I don't really miss him, which is an awful thing to think, and my head is a muddle. I think it right that I split with him, it is just hard to think about when I have invested 3 years, and I had planned to live with him. I don't want to let him down or break his heart either. I don't want us to part on bad terms. But I have to do the right thing. I just want to know, should I tell him how I am feeling now, or wait until I get back? I have 3 weeks left or travel. I just want to do the right thing...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone... I have waited 3 weeks and still feel the same. Even more certain in fact. I wish I could have split with him earlier as it has been like a big burden and have had missed opportunities with nice men I have met... I guess the fact have been interested in other men just proves that I need to end this relationship. But I am very loyal so I wouldn't end it until I was sure, and that wasn't until this trip, which has given me the confidence that I am doing the right thing... It will be hard after over 3 years to end it, and I will have to move my stuff out of his... It will be hard to come home and have to move out... But I know now that I must do it, so thanks for the advice. I will tell him in person, and I have given him a heads up... I sent him a long email about my plans for the future, that I want to teach English in Asia and live there, and that I don't think marriage, kids and 9 to 5 job in the UK is what I want from life. He just replied with that he will pick me up from the airport and looks forward to seeing me. But he must know what is coming... But he just didn't respond to anything I said in the email... I am sure he knows, and I can't pretend now anymore, I will just have to sit down and talk to him asap. Thanks for the help :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 I agree do this break in person....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 November 2011):
 I would wait the 3 week and tell him in person. I don't think it will come as a big surprise, and honestly sounds like you both have kinda moved on already.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Hello, One thing that strikes me is that when you tell him about what you are doing he hardly responds. Barely keeps in touch and you seem happy to be travelling and you are ok to be alone. So, I would simply say that this is no basis to be moving in with someone. I think, that your best option for you is to go travelling and then break off the LDR. It doesn't really seem or feel like a relationship anymore and maybe he may be having second thoughts too in his own way. So, for my part, I believe it would be best for you to break things off. Take care.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Hi,Just wait 3 weeks until you come back. I do agree with you that you've invested 3 years to be with him. But, you also brought up very important points, that shouldn't be taking lightly. 1) you want to travel, live in different countries. He's more of a home person. 2) you have different ambitious. 3) you don't miss him as much. 4) don't share many things in common. I guess the distance, and the lack of spending actual time together, you both grew apart. Now, you are used to be alone, and don't miss him as much. I understand, that you love him, you want him to be happy, because you've known him for so many years. There's no one to blame, I guess life took it's course. I think it's best to have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel, and what you think will be best for the both of you, and your future. I know you love, and care for him. You don't want to hurt him. But, what if you continue to act as if nothing is wrong, then you actually move in with him, realize you still feel the same, and nothing has changed? I think it will be more difficult, and more hurtful to him. It's better to take your time, and avoid further troubles. So, when you come back, talk to him. You've been together long enough, and I am sure that together you can decide what's best... Just be honest.....Good luck
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