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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband lost his sexual desire and developed mayor erectile dysfunction many years ago.It happened suddenly. Once he went soft in the middle of the intercourse, and since then he is unable to maintain an erection with me, and never have desire to have sex.He claims, he never thinks of sex. SEX IS GONE FROM HIS HEAD....First, he thought there must be some medical problems, but after the doctors never found anything wrong with him, he stayed puzzled. He says he has no desire, because he has problem maintaining his erection. But is it possible, that is this the other way around? That he has no desire, that is why he has no erection? Please tell me what you think /? Do you think is this psychological issue, or something else? It is very difficult situation.And great danger to our marriage. Thank for reading.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 You don't mention your husband's age, but guessing from your age he's likely close to yours.As men age, their levels of testosterone drop. This is one of the primary drives of libido. I would urge that if he hasn't already, gone to the doctors and asked to have his hormone level checked. If he is overweight / out of shape or smokes, that too can affect libido and cause ED. Perhaps the two of you can join a gym or begin to get fit. If he is sedentary, your blood vessels become less effective at moving blood -- especially to the sex organs. Also overuse of drugs and alcohol can cause loss of libido.Make sure you up your game too. You may have to dress up, or pretend you are dating and new to one another again for him to get excited. Perhaps renting an adult video would help. You'll have to talk to him and see if it is more mental than physical.Unfortunately, this could be just something in his nature and he's just lost interest in sex due to biological reasons. I really think a trip to a doctor who specializes in hormone may help.Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): You are not the only one going through this kind of thing. Sex is always great the first few years that you are together... then dwindles afterwards. And it is no reflection on you personally. I think it just gets old.
Get some sexy outfits, wear sexy wigs, talk dirty, try something to cause excitement in the relationship. Try acting out fantasies with him.... Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): He never thinks of sex because he`s scared stiff (pardon the pun)of failing. If it suddenly got erect again,he would want it again. It may be better for him to have viagra to bring his confidence and enjoyment of you back as it should be. When he starts thinking normal sexual thoughts again,then it should be he wont need them anymore. Although as this happened suddenly and all at once he may believe it wont work,so it wont,and then develope a false dependancy. He is dreading failure so much,sex no longer relates to pleasure,but frustration and hidden self anger,that is likely to be why he isnt having those thoughts.Men have those thoughts until their dying day. You have been level headed and understanding by the look of things,not turned it into your own problem like some selfish women on here have. eg. is it me? should i have an affair etc. That is why I believe by working together you should overcome this. This problem more often than not is temporary. I do hope everything is going to work for the better.I have nothing but admiration for how you seem to be handling it.Never fall into the false belief that its because he doesnt find you attractive,it will make him far worse if he thinks you believe that.
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A
female
reader, cry +, writes (21 January 2011):
 so did you ask him . well hun i still have my sex drive what do you want me to do ? dose he not care about your needs?... get some toys , have a sex buddie , please ur self,go see a relationship sex therapist? well if sex is gone from his head and not yours he must relize its not gone from your head.. what the heck.. communication . talk to him ....best of luck
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