A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help.I have a friend, a dear friend who has always been there for me and I have fallen in love with him. We are both married although my marriage is abusive and generally unhappy. He and his wife work away alot and she isnt always there for him. I dont know what to do. He treats me like an angel and I dote on him. We have been sleeping with each other for about 6 months now and are desperate for more time together which we cannot have. We spend most of our days texting and calling each other. None of us are willing to leave our partners and yet neither can we end the affair. It would be easier if we were not friends as we do not want to make a clean break and erase all contact which is the only way it would work (our spouses would also find it strange as we quite often meet as a foursome) I feel terribly guilty about it and so does he. We both have school age children.What am I supposed to do? This is the one thing in my life that seems right but it is so wrong.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (8 February 2008):
 Oh, hon, you already know what to do. You know that sleeping with your friend is wrong, or you wouldn't be feeling so guilty about it. And though his wife isn't there for him, he should be putting his energy into either fixing it with her or breaking it off with her, rather than avoiding the situation with you.
As for your marriage, no one deserves to stay and be abused. You need to take a harsh look at your spouse and realize that it's time for you to go.
I know that it will be hard to leave your marriage without backup from your friend, but it's what I recommend. Maybe you leaving will give him the courage to leave (don't count on it though). Take a deep breath and do the right thing. I promise that it will eventually be alright. You're stronger than you think. Good luck hon.
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 if you are in an abusive relationship - physical or otherwise, you should get out. no one deserves to be put through that. and this could affect your children more than you know, if they were to see your husband abusing you, they could be influenced to think that this is ok to treat ppl like this. if you love this man, then i think you should give yourself the chance to be happy. even if you werent with this other man, i would still advise you to leave you husband. if you are both in love, then wat you are doing is not fair to your prospective spouses.
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 You should leave your marriage, if you husband is abusing you in a emotional or psychical way it's time to get out. Really you should be thinking of ways to get out of the marriage and where too go.
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A
female
reader, Rainbows  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 in my opinion, women are more stronger then men. suppose, u happen to quit ur marriage, do u think ur friend will still stand up for u, or atleast b there for u? he might feel totally lost once u r alone and left out. obviously, ull be left alone as i dont suppose ur husband will let u have ur children, and ofcourse u will b portrayed as someone evil who loves this man more than ur kids, so maybe even ur children wont opt for u.
i suggest dont b in bad books and before u decide anything, i think u should talk with ur boyfriend straight and clear, and ask him frankly how it would b if u happen to separate from ur hubby or if he wants a divorce from u as i dont suppose things would b normal once ur affair leaks out...and beware, u wont b able to hide it forever...sooner or later, it will come out so u should have a serious talk with ur lover about the consequences once things go haywire.....dont lose ur both options...dont put urself in a position where ull lose ur family as well as the one person who means so much to u. i dread for the day wen u might find urself all alone and no one to call urself ur own! pls. b careful and think before its too late. good luck!
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A
male
reader, NycZem +, writes (8 February 2008):
 You see I would have to ask how old your children are. Any younger than 8, and you should think about splitting with ur spouse, You seem to be more worried about yourself and your children. Kids between the ages of 9-13 are affected horribly by divorce, I know because i was one of them. So you obviously love this man, and I think you should go ahead with it.
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