A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 18 and my boyfriend of almost 6 months is also 18. well we have our ups and downs just like every couple. but latey we've been arguing a lot more. and well im trying to change myself to make things better but things still dont seem to get better. but this guy is something i tryed to get with for 3 years, i care way to much about him to break up with him, but i want things to get better. its like all the attention is about him. example last year for his birthday i spent over a 100 dollars on his present and we werent even dating, and yet for mine he got me nothing and we acutally were dating. and like when he has a problem i try everything to help him but when im the one with the problem all he says is sorry i cant help. and i know its not the best relationship and everyone tells me i can do better, but yet i dont want to break it off. i really care about this guy, I always have. and i am happy when im will him, but there are moments when im not. and if i do something wrong the whole situation makes me feel terrible about myself but when he does something wrong he turns everything around on me. and yes we try talking but nothing hasnt changed, and yes i am a push over thats how ive always been, and people say he takes advange of that, but i refuse to think that. but can someone please help, i want to make this relationship better. thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): I don't think you truly 'care' about him, because he doesn't sound like he's done anything to earn your loyalty and allegiance. I think instead you're addicted to trying to win his love and attention and that's what keeps you clinging to him. This stems from a low self esteem. If other people tell you that you're a push over that makes sense, it all fits together. You think that if you keep trying, eventually he'll start to want you more and love you more and then you will finally feel OK. I think you're barking up the wrong tree. You need to learn to feel OK with yourself FIRST, independent of any man or relationship. Then you will have a healthy inner compass that will direct you toward guys who are good for you, and away from guys like this one who do more harm than good to you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2011):
 You are 18 and together 6 months with a boy you have been trying to get with for three years… so let’s start with the fact that clearly YOU are more into him than he is into you…. A sad statement of fact.
You care too much about him to break up with him because you don’t care enough about YOURSELF.
Yes every couple has high points and low points… there are days a sick partner just can’t help things out but it has to go both ways.
IF he had surgery next week… you would wait on him and cook for him and clean up after him and take care of him. You would do ANYTHING for him correct? What do you think (NOT HOPE) he would do for you? Would he take care of you? Would he cook for you? Run errands? Go out and buy you the food you wanted? Would he, pardon me, wipe your butt if you could not? NO? So what exactly about this boy do you love and want?
IF you KNOW it’s not the best relationship, why do you know this? And why do you accept it?
“I really care about this guy” again I see over and over that girls here post about caring about a guy that is borderline emotionally abusive… WHAT about this guy do you care about? Is it the way he makes no effort to comfort you or care for you, or perhaps the way he manages to make everything YOUR fault???
Stop rowing this relationship boat and LET him make it better… and see what happens. IF you drift as a couple, going nowhere emotionally (or actually physically either) then perhaps it’s time to give up….
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 December 2011):
 Every relationship will always have their ups and downs. Keep in mind when the downs start outnumbering the ups, is when it's time to break it off and move on.
The problem is he doesn't seem to care or put forth much effort. You're upholding your girlfriend role, but what does he bring to the relationship?
You don't need to change yourself, and you sure as hell can't change him. But if you want this relationship to work, then you BOTH need to put in the effort to make it work. Talk to him about working with you to make this relationship happier. If talking doesn't work, then I'm afraid this relationship can't be saved.
However, if you refuse to let this relationship go and heed other's warnings, then it looks like you're going to have to deal with things the way they are. It's something you can't do anything about.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 December 2011):
 You say: "....we have our ups and downs just like every couple..." WHO SAID that you (any couple) has to "have your ups and downs?????" What's wrong with having a GREAT relationship..... one in which the two of you care for each other sufficiently that YOU DON'T "have ups and downs"??????
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.... because I think that letters like your's validate peoples' beliefs that it's OK - almost "routine" - to have stressful and angst-filled relationships.... THAT is true bull-do-do.... If two people REALLY love one-another there is no: "...we have our ups and downs just like every couple...."
Instead, you have: "I am living a dream with my partner, and don't know how it came to pass.... but I'm willing to live it out the rest of my life....."
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): I am in the exact same boat as you! I wish I had girlfriend that would do as much for her boyfriend like you do. My girlfriend is the exact same as ur b.f and I care too much to break it off. But only I'm close to calling it quits cuz I'm realizing that I deserve better. Perhaps you should too? We are hurting ourselves too much. 'should move on.
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