A
female
age
36-40,
*.lili
writes:Hi, well 2 things. First I'm 21.I'm in a relationship right now for about a year and a half. Everything has been great till now. I've been thinking on breaking up with him for some months now, but now I'm sure: he doesn't make me laugh, we don't talk anymore, he doesn't have any serious life goals and is irresponsible, things I as any woman like in a man. Though he's never cheated and has always been very kind and gentle and sex is great (that's probably why only now I see the problems). A month ago I dropped a bomb and said I was confused and he didn't do much to fight for me, but get depressed. I haven't broken up with him because finals are up at uni and I don't want his grades going downhill because of me (so I put on a happy face with him). It's been really hard, because I'm sometimes bitchy to him and he doesn't deserve it. Another issue where I come and ask for advice is:Two weeks ago I was at a friends house party, everyone was quite drunk, my boyfriend isn't a part of that group of friends so didn't go. I was drunk and was going to sleep over. These are my hometown friends so I know them before university. I went to one of the free rooms to sleep it off, a big bed for myself and a bit later a friend knocks asking if he could sleep there because all the couches were being used. And I say ok we are just friends, I've had a crush on him since 18 but never acted on it. I have bf etc. This "friend" we get along good enough no deep conversations or anything to be true he's very quiet so I don't know much about him, but I hang out a lot with him. Anyways he was also drunk and ended up hugging me and I secretly desired it so I let him... Of course it didn't stay at that, he kissed me (never on the lips) and well tried to initiate sex, but I just couldn't live with myself so talked up and we just ended up sleeping holding on to each other. I confronted him weeks later and told him, that too me it was as if it never happened and we could just pretend it never happened. And so till now that's were we are at. Just sex or might he actually like me? He has shown some signs, but I think he's very shy... I haven't seen him lately should I say that he brought up feelings? I'm human and I respect my boyfriend, still I believe I shouldn't ignore me feelings either, I can't stop thinking of this guy it drives me nuts, I might really like him. And he's got the quality's I described my bf doesn't have.
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crush, depressed, drunk, shy, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): Dear C.Lili,
The choice is yours...it's a good thing you are going to tell your bf the truth, but your comments comes across as if you are somehow saving face and doing him a favor when you are not. It's only reasonable and responsible on your part to do so...in other words, it's what you should do. If your bf loves you, he will still be hurt at the fact that you are breaking up with him to date someone else...but if you do break up with him, do not use his life as a revolving door..going back and forward in this life when you are lonely, aren't in a relationship with anyone, or if things don't work out between you and this other guy you have a crush on. This is one of the main mistakes people do when they break up...somehow they want to keep that person "around" which doesn't make sense to me..it's called a breakup because, it's broken, so both parties should just move on with no contact or being "friends." Well..no friendship at least for the first few years until the person who has been hurt by the ordeal is comp. over the other person.
CHOW:):):):) HAPPY 4TH OF JULY.
A
female
reader, c.lili +, writes (4 July 2010):
c.lili is verified as being by the original poster of the question I like my boyfriend so much that I've ignored my feelings these past months so his grades won't suffer (we broke up once and he got very depressed so I can't do that now that we've been in tests and exams since May).
I'm so down because of that and he hasn't even noticed. But I'm stronger emotionally than him, I think I'm doing the right thing waiting for exams to finish to tell him the truth. (Which have planed to do ever since).
That of my friend being drunk doesn't mean much, if you knew how it is here in Italy kids start drinking at the age of 14! It a different culture (compared to Canada where I've lived some years back)if someone gets drunk every now and then it's just plain normal, hell i do it every once in a while.
My bf smokes marijuana almost every day (unless he has tests and exams) and I don't see it as a problem just as if someone drinks on weekends sometimes I don't see a problem as long as it doesn't affect their everyday lives.
I guess it all depends on point of views.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): I think you are using any excuse to justify your cheating or not having deep feeings for your current bf...if you truly loved him, you wouldn't have made out with another guy...a guy you said that you always had a "crush on." Just stop making excuses and be honest, you never had deep feelings for your current bf and now since this opp. for you to flirt or get with this other guy, you are coming up with all sorts of excuses when you don't have any. Look, you can't help how you feel about a person, but can tell the truth at least.....
Also, you cited this guy you have a crush on was drunk....wow...what "good qualities" he must have....sounds like you are leaving one self proclaimed "bad" situation, and getting yourself into an even worse one.
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