A
male
age
51-59,
*ruce33
writes:My wife and I are recently married (1½ years). Since we were dating and a few times since our wedding she gets calls, text messages and e-mails often sexual and flirtatious in nature from an old friend. When she was single she says they talked a lot and he would always hit on her and make comments like 'my sexy nurse' and other times speak of her boobs (ok they are nice, I comment too ) but it seems she likes these messages. I know he helped her through some tough times in the past, and was quite supportive, but I think the flirty/sex talk is out of line. Am I being over sensitive?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi. I can understand your concern. I just think if you make an issue of these things they can go "underground." It also seems this other guy 'had his chance' and didn't make it to the altar. Unless there is anything else to be concerned about I would let it go.
Richard
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (19 February 2008):
Hi. I can understand your concern. I just think if you make an issue of these things they can go "underground." It also seems this other guy 'had his chance' and didn't make it to the altar. Unless there is anything else to be concerned about I would let it go.
Richard
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Hi,
well she didnt take up a reltionship with this guy, so obviously the sexual connection isnt there. Still, I can understand how you will feel uneasy, but unless the emails are highly sex related as opposed to the odd "hey sexy" type of thing, you have nothing to worry about. He helped her out through rough times, she took his help knowing he was interested in her but they still didnt go out with each other. I imagine she takes the compliments as flattery assured in the knowledge she has a good friend to relyand a loving partner.
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I don't really think you need to worry too much. This was a weird one for me as I have always been the jealous one in my relationship, a little insecure at times and my husband is a huge flirt which doesn't help.
I had to however think, when reading your post, about a man I have known for many many years, before I met my husband and the type of banter we got involved in. Same thing. He did fancy me, but I never, ever, took it seriously or felt the same. Because he always flirty, at times quite suggestively, I encouraged him, flirted back but more in a taking the mickey way out of him. He always, to this day, knew and knows, nothing would come of it and I was not into him at all. He is and never would be a threat to my husband. But I like him as a friend and it is sort of always how we have intereated, bit silly really but definately nothing in it. It's hard now however to change the banter, as in a way it would imply that I was interested previously, which was never the case. My husband never saw him as a threat and also laughed abit at him, he would comment to this chap at times, "aren't I the lucky bastard". It is and was all harmless.
If this relationship is out in the open and not something she is hiding from you. If they are just mates and tease each other like that, then the only thing you need to consider is if it likely to lead somewhere. If they have been mates for many years, and nothing has happened between them, I don't think you need to stress.
Don't panic unless she starts hiding things from you. But then you may have created that by your insecurity with this guy. Instinct tells me it is nothing to worry about.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): hmm sex talk is absolutely out of the question but just flirty behaviour is alright in my book good luck
-michael
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2008):
 You are absolutely entitled to your feelings about this. She may not know or understand how you feel, so I agree with Annalisa that you need to discuss it calmly with her. It sounds like they've been engaged in this banter for many years now, and haven't fully taken on board that you have a bit of a say in it now. Maybe your reaction has been nervous laughter which she reads as you being okay with it, when in fact you're not. She needs to know that it's been bothering you A LOT.
I would sit her down and talk about how you feel about it; do this when you're both relaxed and not in the middle of a fight.
All the best and good luck!
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