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female
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anonymous
writes: Why do you think a 24 year old would want to date a 20 year old? I mean, there's more to it than age, but I was never the type of girl that got asked out by guys because I was overweight and had low self esteem and bad skin. I grew up never thinking I was attractive and eventually did lose 70 pounds and started wearing makeup, but almost immediately got involved with the wrong type of guy that noticed my insecurities and preyed upon them and was involved in a controlling realtionship until I was brought to my senses and broke up with him. I'm now with a new guy and have a much better self-image and boosted self-esteem, but sometimes I still catch myself asking why he is with me and why he would ever want me for a gf? How can I stop having these negative thoughts about myself? He compliments me all the time and I feel like he sincerely likes me a lot and is truthful with me and is it irrational thinking on my part that makes me think something is wrong with him for wnating me? Does anyone have any advice over how I could get over this? thanks a lot
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broke up, overweight, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
Everyone has insecurities, even your new boyfriend. Enjoy yourself and think, hey bet his problem is bigger than mine.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): I was like you. I lost about 4 stones after loads of bullying and a boy who i really fancied, laughed at me because i was fat. It took a lot of willpower and i changed and lost weight too.
Now 3 years have gone past and i still have little insecurities about my body but i've developed more self esteem by understanding myself and congratulating myself on my achievements.
Its very hard to let go of the old you, the fat girls still inside you and you have niggling doubts about your worth. I think you should stay with this guy, but just talk to him about how you feel about yourself so he understands where you are coming from. Try to stop fishing for compliments from him, and compliment yourself instead. Older guys also are more accepting and less immature than 20 year olds so good choice, by the way!
I just want to say, whatever the relationship is - just enjoy it. I've recently broken up from my boyfriend and it's hard to deal with, so just enjoy the good times and stop worrying about your looks! He obviously wants to be with you because you're a nice person as well as how you look. So go have fun....you have waited a long time for this. :-) Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, crosstini +, writes (20 December 2005):
Maybe now isn't the best time for you to be in a relationship if you can't accept love. You need to know that you're worthy of him before he will be able to convince you, otherwise you're placing his opinion higher than your own and devaluing yourself again....a vicious circle I'm afraid. If he's a nice as he sounds, he'll understand why you may need some time apart for you to develop friendships and interests that make you feel valid as an interesting person on your own. Congratulations on losing the weight, but it wont make you a different person. You still need to get to know how unique and perfectly made you are and you can't do that only by being told it by someone else.
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