A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, there's this guy I like, and I mean REALLY like and I'm really confused about the whole thing!The thing is, I can't go a day without thinking of him and I just find him perfect in every way even though he has his faults, but I think his faults make him . . .HIM.I've felt about guys in this sort of way before, but never THIS way. The song by Kelly Clarkson 'My Life Would Suck Without You' sums up how I feel perfectly. I can't imagine not knowing him and not having him around, he just seems to have invaded my every thought! I didn't see him for about 6 months and I was bawling for about half that time, and moping the rest! (no, not really, but I was really broken up about it and had no interest in any other guys)Logic tells me that this isn't love since I'm only sixteen, but . . . I'm not sure. It's probably not, but does anyone have any idea what's going on?! This isn't just lust, I adore his personality as well!please help!!xN.B: In case I gave you the wrong impression, I'm not actually going out with him :( . . . . . yet :P Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Just because you are only 16 does not mean that you cannot fall in love. Your ability to overlook his faults says to me that you are definitely capable of this. I had much the same feelings about a girl when I was 16 (I'm 25) and never said anything to her. Take a look in the mirror and swallow hard. If you honestly say that you love him, you NEED to tell him. And just do it now before it's too late. Sometimes the things we regret the most aren't the things we did but the things we could have done:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): This is not love, it is obsession. It is pretty common in young girls your age to get this way about a boy they hardly know, and no you do not really know him at all.
You simply are building him up in your mind with all of these positive qualities that you hope he has, it is called projection. You are experiencing intense attraction because of it and these intense feelings are masking reality for you. You don't have a realationship with him, there is no logical reason that you should be pining away for him or sad about not seeing him for six months. Sometimes having this kind of obsessive thoughts about someone is a way to avoid dealing with real intimacy or having a real relationship with someone before we are ready. It is a way of dealing with other issues that may be bothering you in your life, or fear about something else.
My suggestion to you is to stop focusing so much attention of this boy, it really is getting to be an unhealthy habit for you. Start building your own self esteem from the inside out. Take an inventory of what best qualities you have and work on bringing those out so other people can see them. If there are areas you think you need to work on then do so. If you lack personal passions or interests you may be replacing that with obsessive thoughts aobut how wonderful this boy is. What really makes you an attractive person is to have your own passions and interests in life, some dreams and goals.
Talk about those to people, talk about them to yourself and stop wasting your emotional energy on someone you can't have. You want what you haven't got. Try wanting what you can do for yourself. Take some risks get out there and have your own life.
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