A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have some friends that I've had since elementary school (we are all in our 2nd year of university now). One of them has over the years turned into a bit of a party girl, and she's notorious for sleeping with other girls boyfriends. I'll call her jane (not her real name)I've had my boyfriend for three years and she's never tried anything with him. I'll call him joe (not his real name either)She has said in the past that the reason she chases other girls boyfriends is because she likes the challenge, she likes to torment the guys, and then sleep with them and never bother with them again. She loves causing havoc in others relationships because it makes her feel powerful and like she is "better" than the guys girlfriends.And recently a mutual friend of mine told me that she was talking to jane and jane told her that she thought my boyfriend was really cute. She told my friend this about three months ago, and told her also that she'd never really considered going after him before but that now he's starting to look really good. Since then I have noticed that she has started talking to him more and more, and has been flirting with him. He's noticed and asked me what's going on, so I told him that she thinks he's cute, etc.I confronted her about it and she backed off in public BUT my boyfriend told me that she's started sending him emails, text messages, etc. all the time. Last night she sent him a text asking him what he was up to and if he wanted to go round to see her since she was lonely. He said no, of course.Unfortunately I have seen her pull these tricks with so many men before (probably a couple dozen) and she is a master of manipulation. She teases and flirts and acts as available as possible in order to be as tempting as possible. I've seen the progression; innocent conversation, to innocent flirting,then she starts hugging and touching and wearing revealing tops and skirts. Then she starts emails/texts/phone calls, and sometimes she sends dirty photos of herself, and ususally she'll call them late one night and say that she's been in a fight with her boyfriend (almost always a fictional boyfriend since she is single 90% of the time) and that she's really upset and needs a friend. Men fall for this trick all the time. Once or twice they have said no but she's amazing at guilting them into coming over. That's usually the night when she sleeps with them. But if it doesn't work, she'll continue to play "innocent friend" until they eventually hook up. I'd say she's been successful about 85% of the time with getting them to sleep with her.Anyway I am amazed that she is trying to pull this over on MY MAN when we have been friends for SO long. I sent her a text telling her to please back off. She sent me one back saying she didn't know what I meant, but I was like "HELLO!!! I KNOW ALL YOUR TRICKS!!!" Honestly. What do I do to get her to back off? I know that he won't sleep with her but it's still so annoying and hurtful. I mean, we weren't REALLY close friends but we hang with the same crowd so I'd never expect her to want to do this to me. What is she thinking??? How do I get her to back off, she is pretending that she doesn't know what I'm talking about. She accused me of being a jealous girlfriend, and said something like "you must really not like yourself to think that your man and I are having sex" (I never said anything like that, all I said was could she stop sending him emails all the time and flirting with him). My boyfriend has not responded positively to any of her advancements, he has actually even told her to go fuck herself but like I said, she LOVES a challenge and it takes a LOT for her to give up.Helpxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): I totally agree with everyone on this post.
Cut her off and stay away from her.
Because she is trouble, and in the future. There gonna be times u have bad days with your BF and guess wot, she'll be "there". True friends are hard to find, but she is not one of them.
Im not saying your BF will cheat but its only a matter time until he succumbs to her.
I am guy..
She probably has done it to your other bf before.
A leopard does not lose its spots.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (7 January 2008):
 What I find amazing is that during all that time that she was doing it to other people, YOU STAYED FRIENDS WITH HER, and now you are surprised that she is doing it to you.
Do you really assume this is the first time she made a play for your guy? I assume this is only the first time that you actually found out about it.
Cut your friendship with this woman, and as for the emails from his account, I suggest that you respond to them, and not your bf.
Do you trust your bf? I hope he is strong enough.
The fact you stayed friends with her means on some level you accepted her behavior. If you do not, drop her as a friend.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 This girl is probably feeling really bad, she doesn't have any real self-respect as it seems, and probably she has gone through some really bad things. I don't think it is possible for you to get through to her and make her back off. She will only be triggered by you telling her off and showing her you are feeling threatened by her. As she said to you, she likes feeling that she is better than other girls but your boyfriend obviously thinks differently. I think you shouldn't give her the pleasure to show her your fear and jealousy, don't talk more to her, only talk to your boyfriend about it, he will understand and keep away from her. It is sad that you have known each others for such a long time and still she doesn't respect your feelings, but people change and for your own sanity, block her out and never look back. She is no threat, she can never be better than you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, saucy sam  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 omg what a total and utter bitch. whe i read this i could feel myself getting more and mor angry and frustrated i mean hello reality check does she actually know how many people she's hurting in the process just so she can get her leg over. i think she needs some help and fast babes.
try and ignore her i know its easier said than done and i know that it must be hard for you to watch her flirt with your boyfriendm, i would confront her in public ask her what kind of kick she gets out of stealing other womens men.
i dont know the girl but maybe she is doing this because she feels insecure about herself and likes to know that she can get any guy she wants with just a click of her finger. you need to lay the law down and tell her to back the hell off cuz at the end of the day shes not worth it she's only hurting herself.
im pleased about ur bf acting mature and not supping up to this sort of attention from her, it shows that you two must have a serious relationship goign on. i wish you all the best please let me know what happens with the PHYSCO BITCH lol keep me informed best wishes xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): I agree. Cut her off completely and immediately. Don't talk to her, don't hang out with her, don't even talk about her with your other friends. Act like she's completely out of you and your bf's life, like she doesn't even exist. Talk to your bf about this and if loves you and feels the same way, he'll delete and ignore all msgs the girl tries to send him. Even change the number if need be as suggested before. Both of you should just ignore everything and anything she does or say. She'll probably try harder to get his attention, but as long as you're both aware of that, she'll probably get tired soon and move on to a different target. She is clearly very insecure about herself having this need to ruin other people's relationship to feel better about herself. She is definitely not a friend, it doesn't matter how long you've known her. If she doesn't care for you as a friend, you shouldn't have to.
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A
female
reader, lost666 +, writes (6 January 2008):
 Cut this bitch out of your life completely, she needs a shrink or somthing shes a psycho, girls like these are so insecure this is what they have to do to feel good about themselves, explain to your boyfriend what shes like and start going to different places, maybe he should change his number and so should you, what goes around comes around and she'll get her comeuppance..she probably secretly hates herself anyway, be the bigger person here and your boyf will love you all the more for it..she prob has a big reputation as a slut anyway! good luck but dont let a skank like her ruin ur relationship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): This girl is pathetic. Wow. Her behavior is going to catch up to her if it has't already.
Well don't let her manipulate you into believing that you are a jealous girl and blah blah. That's not true and she is just saying that to put you down and make you feel insecure so that you will let your guard down and question yourself. Its just sick. But don't fall for that. She is a manipulator and you must stay away from her. She is nothing but trouble.
Well you did the right thing to tell her to back off without being confrontational. For now, I would not say anything more to her and just try to keep my cool as much as possible and try to avoid running into her. And maybe have your boyfriend callblock her number. And most importantly just kill her with kindness. Everytime she says you are a jealous girl, just shrug your shoulders, and act even more confident. She wants you to feel insecure and mad cause that makes her feel powerful. So don't give her the pleasure. DON'T give her the plesure.
But don't confuse what I am saying, cause I am not saying that you shouldn't feel jealous or protective. Clearly your boyfriend loves you. But just because someone loves you doesn't mean that you can just feed him to the wolves. Jealousy is an integral part of a relationship and is actually healthy. In fact sometimes I am blown away from comments of women who say, "oh I trust him, he can go to a strip club, I trust him." Or like you saying "Oh I trust him. He can talk to her all night cause I trust him." The truth is that guys like girls who set boundaries just like we do. I mean if I had a boyfriend who said "oh I trust her, she can do whatever she wants. Strip club, clubbing. Talk to a guy who is hitting on her." That would make me feel like he didn't really care about me or love me. I want him to be a little bit jealous and protective. Not psycho but it shows that you care. Guys are no different.
So of course you should keep your eyes open and feel like you should protect your relationship. But keep your cool and don't fly off the handle especially not in her presence. And in her presence act really confident and like an angel. And don't try talking to her again. Cause all that's going to do is make her deny it again and accuse you of being psycho jealous. And all that's going to do is make you feel even more mad and more insecure. So do not talk to her at all about this. Say hello to her and that's it. And act really confident like nothing happened. And I am not sure how she got his number and email but maybe he can callblock her number and delete his email account. I really think he should do that. And then she can't get in touch with him. And once that's done, try to then move on and keep working on the love and magic of your relationship. That's the most important thing. Don't let this affect your love.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (6 January 2008):
 What an horrible woman. I hope that once she meets a man who she falls in love with, an woman will come along and seduce him.
Your really going too have to trust your b/f on this one. If I was you I be calling this 'freind' all sort of names too her face, she obviously has problems. Not in the sense that shes a player but that she feels like she needs to cause as much damage as possible before moving on. I don't know why she's in your life anyway, she's got no loyalty even if she is your freind, why would she care about you? Cut her out and get you b/f to change his number if he has too
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