A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been dating a girl on an off that has only been living in the US for a few years. I myself have lived abroad for almost 2 decades. I tend to become a father figure to the girls I have dated and I don't mind it. I am not controlling, although sometimes I worry too much. The reason why I am posting is because the girl I presently "date" I have known for almost 2 years and although she is only a few years younger, she seems as vulnerable as a child somehow. She is smart, hardworking, kind, thoughtful, beautiful, funny, yet as quiet and delicate as a child and easily hurt. She is also extremely submissive in many aspects including sexuality perhaps due to 2 past relationships with men much older than she was. Bottom line, my issue is that I feel she has turned into my daughter rather than my girlfriend and I have lost any desire of making love to her despite the fact she is a beautiful yet shy girl. I think it is probably my fault. I am the father figure guy by nature, but it had never happened to me before that a girl would actually let me be that father figure so much and so completely. The language and cultural differences do not help either. Its a challenging situation but I really would be devastated if she was not in my life anymore.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Katy 1992 said it right.Find a change in YOU. Just because she lets you be a father figure.. why should you? This is ultimately something only you can chance. Whatever new girl you date, you will continue your habit of being the dad. Maybe you will find a woman who stands up to you, but in that relationship you will constantly bang your heads against each others and she might get tired of your ways in the end. This woman you are now with accepts you as who you are. Why should that be a weakness? You don't like being the father figure, then change it! Don't depend on your partner to tell you when you've gone too far, stop yourself. You will gain a great deal of self insight and knowledge if you can do this. I believe you are a good guy, and you said you don't want to loose her. Then stop depending on her to change you, and change yourself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Maybe start dating a REAL women? Someone who needs a man not a Daddy?
And I agree with the other Aunts & Uncles, this is YOUR pattern, YOUR behavior, YOU need to be the one changing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): Tell her, and this sound like a product of your behaviour, maybe YOU have to change rather than anything else
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A
male
reader, tdh_immortal  +, writes (21 May 2010):
The solution is not hers but yours to take.
Its a lot easier because you know what the problem is.
STOP BEING THE FATHER FIGURE.Enjoy the beauty of things happening in not exactly your own way and still working good.You will love to appreciate life and its various colours this way:_)
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A
female
reader, mama m  +, writes (21 May 2010):
dear father figure
i think is time to tell you girlfriend how you you realy fill. and what you want from a relationship .
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