A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy who likes me, and he constantly tells me how beautiful and amazing i am and how it's so good we have a lot in common, (music etc)However, i feel uncomfortable when people say things like that to me, im not sure why exactly, but when people compliment me, it makes me feel annoyed like their being fake to me. He is a nice guy yeah, but he's too attached, already, and there's nothing even going on yet. He also got pissed off with me for a guy i was with before we even had a little something. Does that make sense?This guy already sais he loves me, and that freaks me out, i hate guys complimenting me so much, what does this mean? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): your letter states two issues, rather than one. The first issue, you obviously have a problem when you are being complimented on. In this case it could be due to past experiences being negative, such as a person continually putting you down, here this has been most likely be done during your childhood. Or it could be the age range you are in, as perhaps you have received more compliments from males than previously. Here you have to learn which compliments appear real and others false. If a male is regularly complimenting you than it would come under the I fancy you group, in which case you respond to positively if you like them and wish to take the up; or negatively if you don't like them. If the compliments are from a female than may be they really admire you, in which beam with delight as if the opposite a bitch will be a bitch... and you will know without a doubt. If its the age issue, were you have only recently been complimented on, than learn to accept them with grace, otherwise you might become the Ice maiden and people will think your the cow. The second issue is the guy you are dealing with at present, here it appears he is clearly giving you all the positive signals he is keen on you. While at the same time he is frustrated by you not responding to him on your feelings, hence the 'pissed off' reaction. So you have to ask yourself do I like him, if so tell him, if not, then say something like 'your a nice guy, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship. End of subject. Remember later in life woman adore compliments as they didn't appreciate them when younger, so lighten up and who knows you may just grow to enjoy and look forward to receiving them.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Learn to gracefully say thank you to compliments.
If you feel like they are insincere or fake, then just say thanks and move on. The guy you are mentioning seems .... clingy and controlling.. both a no-no in my book.
The overly many compliments can also be because he read/heard somewhere that women like that "stuff" :) So depending on your overall gut feeling of the guy, maybe cut him some slack. If he creeps you out, then I would back off.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Well, I agree this guy can be moving on a bit too quickly (plus has no right to be angry with you over whom you dated before, you're not even dating him atm). As for the compliments, I don't know why that is. I know I used to feel the same way. I didn't know I was supposed to just say "thank you" after a compliment, and at some level I think I used to think that I was expected to do something in return. Which I didn't want to. You might feel that because this man is complimenting you, you have to be nice to him? And you don't really like him and would rather he left you alone, so you don't apprechiate his compliments?These days I have learned to accept compliments and find them great, but unwanted attention is still frown upon, and I cringe just like you. If an old sleazeball tries to hook up with me I find it unpleasant, no matter the lovely compliments he gives... know what I mean?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): Just say thanks and move on with the convo!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): I think there are a couple of issues here. The first is that you feel uncomfortable when you receive compliments. The second seems to be that you feel smothered by this guy.
With regards to receiving compliments, I understand what you mean. I am uncomfortable with people complimenting me too. I never know how to react. I don't agree with what they say for one thing, and I also wonder if they are being fake. I think it could be down to low confidence, and also the fact that people tend to feel they have to shrug compliments off. The idea of saying, "Why thank you!" can seem big-headed or selfish in some people's eyes, like it is somehow wrong or bad to accept them.
The best way I have found of dealing with compliments that make you feel uncomfortable is to simply say "Thank you", and then move on and discuss something else. I don't know if that will be of any help to you, but it is the only solution I myself have come up with so far!
As for this guy, I can understand your discomfort. It does sound like he is coming on quite strong. You don't mention how long you have known each other, or how well you know each other, but from your description I would guess not very long, or not very well. The fact that he keeps complimenting you must make it even harder. It could even be that is the reason why you are finding the compliments so difficult to take, because it is all too much from this guy.
Do you like this guy? In your question, you say that he really likes you, but you don't mention any feelings towards him. Do you feel pressured to be around him, because of how he feels? If you are not interested, you don't need to be around him at all. Just because he may like you a lot, you are not responsible for him. Don't feel pressured into having to hang around with him if you don't actually want to.
If you do like him though, then maybe you could try explaining to him that it is all moving too fast, and you need him to back off a little bit, and would like to go at a slower pace. He may not know how he is coming across, and might calm down a bit if you tell him how it is making you feel. I hope something here helps you, good luck. x
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