A
male
age
36-40,
*amnoone
writes:i am abusing my wife for the last five months.we registry married on february this year.our parents do not know about our marriage,though they are prepared to allow us marry when she completes her college.my wife asked me not to disclose this to anyone.still a few of my friends know about our marriage since they were the witness.she had a boyfriend till last december.she broke up with him after he couldn't tell her by himself that he would surely marry her when she asked him.he asked his mother instead.still she went to him again thinking that he might make his uncle agree to this proposal so that he could talk to his parents.there again she was deceived.there was no uncle to agree!she was forced to spent the night in the same room with that boy despite her objection.but i knew of this little fact on may this year.before that when i inquired she told me bluntly that she spent the night with another girl in the community centre where the marriage ceremony of the boys cousin was being held.if nothing happened then why she told me the lie?when her bf couldnt give a satisfactory explanation why he brought her there she came back to me.i am her family friend and also gave her tuition since she is in the same college from where i have passed.she asked me if i loved her enough and if i can marry her?i said yes and anytime.but i knew her for one month only.i had a past too.i fell in love with my class mate and it was a love triangle where i made the path to win a girls heart to my close friend since that girl was also my close friend.but eventually i lost control,felt jealous and tried to win her back.my friend told that girl that im a playboy n im playing with her.in the end she didnt believe me.i tried to commit suicide but i survived.after a yr i met with my wife.at that time i didnt know she had a boyfriend.so when i found out i was quite shocked.the day she disclosed this piece of information,she also told me that her parents dont want her marry that boy.so what she should do?i was dumbstruck.i told her its her life she should do what she thinks right.n the next day she went to that boy told him that she would break up.when that boy started crying she told him to marry her then if he has the guts.he had not.he had the guts to kiss her,cuddle her but not marry her.still she gave him a second chance.she went again to know his uncles decision.when he again failed himself.she came back to me.i married her two months after her break up.three weeks after marriage i casually asked her i married cause i dont want to lose you why you married me...she said,'i was afraid if i change my mind' i was astonished n puzzled.i couldnt answer it right then.it became an ugly fight after a few days.she told me she would have never left that boy if her parents didnt insist n that he was good but i was better,that boys can marry someone in one months relationship as do girls.i was dumbstruck still i thought that i shouldnt talk about it ever.but after three months i raised the topic n then he told me about all this stuff.n i freaked out.i was crying heavyliy.i requested her one thing before our marriage.never lie to me.she promised.n she broke it.i promised her i would always try to make her happy.but i broke my promise too.i am causing her so much pain.its a mistake.small mistake.a simple lie.yet since im egotistic i cant forgive her.in the way ive hurt her tremendously n now she cant forgive me.so love has left me.i ve become a monster.i was a monster before that too.i only hoped that some sweet cute good natured girl will rescue me from my unholiness.she is all that but she is not a goddess.she is a human being.a very good one.but im not.n i know i wont change that easily.perhaps its time to let her go.she dont deserve this.she was just 17 when she fell in love with that boy.just cause when i was 17 i couldnt kiss my the then gf cause i was not sure whether i love her that much or not does not mean she cant do that.she need not give me an excuse why she did it.but im nagging n have made her life a complete hell.already precious 10 months of her life is gone with me.i dont want to hurt her any more.i must leave her in peace.but can i forget her.the answer is no.so what should i do?where should i go?should i go somewhere so that no one can ever find me?should i get lost in the crowd in some foreign land?but again that will make her think that she did not try to understand me enough..i really dont know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): You sound like a good guy, that is in a bad marriage. I think you should just divorce and let yourself be happy. Go slow and take your time with women. Don't marry them until after a few years. Here in the USA if a girl pressures you to marry after one month you should run away because she is crazy. Don't let your family or friends control you, its your life not theirs. Do what makes you happy and allow yourself the time to let things grow.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): You are truly in a very confusing and sad situation right now, but you are not no-one. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are really at such a low point in your life, that things can only get better.My husband is also Indian, but he cannot go back to live there because he cannot handle his life always being controlled by his parents and other family members. I think you are trying to do what is right, trying to ask permission to marry, trying to obey the cultural expectations of your country, but it is not making you happy because you really want something or someone else. My husband does not have the power to tell his parents what his life is really like, because he fears it would kill them to know the truth. You have to try to sit down with your wife, speak your heart to her and try to forgive each other. Suicide is not the answer. Running away from the problem will not really fix it either. I think you both need to take time to get to know each other, work out what you both want to happen, talk to your families and try to find some time to get away together for a while to sort this out. I think traditional arranged marriages can work out, but you will need the help and support of families and keeping things a secret will make it very hard for you both. You are also very young. You have many years to live and enjoy life in the years to come. One bad patch does not mean that it will be always like this.Be strong, ask your wife, your God and your family for help and look to the future.You will get through this.
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