A
female
age
30-35,
*irstie Lexi
writes:Can someone help me, I've been with my fiancée for 2 years and we have a beautiful daughter together. We've been planning to get hitched next month and now I don't want to. When we first met everything was brill we had an amazing sex life. From the time I got pregnant things starred to change I used to wake up to him watching babe station next to me and then found him using web porn and live cams! We've argued about tha issue so much and he just get defensive ans tells me I'm sick in the head, our sex life is non exsitant and when we do have sex its nothing more than ' a put it in and done' thing! There's no itamacy and it always seem like he can't be bothered. When im in the house he will sneak off to the bathroom to masterbate over porn Las night I confronted him about his porn use as I found teen vids and cams pretty much 90% of his Internet use is porn. I feel worthless I've tried to explain how it makes me feel I second best to women on the net and tv, my self esteem is at its lowest and he just get angry when u talk about it. I'm contemplating leaving him beacuse I shouldn't have to feel the way I do the only thing holding me back is that I don't want to hurt my daughter. What would you surgest I do? I've Tried talking to him many times about this and it falls on deaf ears he knows how I feel and yet doesn't respect my feeling enough to stop his disgusting sordid behaviour please help I'm do confused x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Look no matter what don't marry this man your problems will always get worst never better so I think you should also no ur daught won't be happy seeing u 2 fight or going on a computer and up pops porn what r u going to say wen ur daughter ask what's tat mom marriage is hard work he seems like trash 2 me whatever u want in a marriage u won't be getting from him help u and ur daughter b4 u r both mierable
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): You deserve more than a man who uses porn. There is no need for it, you were there and he chose it over you.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (1 May 2012):
I think you’re not separating out your roles as parents, and as partners to each other. Many people would consider the use of pornography to be a form of cheating. Whatever term you might use, the reality is that he shows a total lack of regard for your feelings. It’s hard enough being a parent to such a young child as it is, without being undermined by your partner, who isn’t concerned with the impact of his actions on you.
If your daughter is the only thing keeping you in this relationship, it’s time to leave. It’s not going to be in her best interests to be living in an atmosphere of tension and mistrust. When she’s older, a split will be much more traumatic for her than it will be now, when she’s so young. You could be a great mother, and he a great father, but separately. Give him every chance to play a part in his daughter’s life, but don’t feel that you’re failing her if you leave this relationship. You can talk and talk, and keep waiting for him to change. But if he knows how you feel and refuses to change, or seek help for what sounds like an addiction to porn, there comes a point where enough is surely enough, and the worse it will be for your daughter the longer this situation drags on, unresolved either way.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): It sounds to me like your relationship has simply run it's course OP. This does happen and 18 months to 2 years is around the time the honeymoon period ends and you stop trying so hard.
OP this is the future you have to look forward to with this guy. You have a choice to either continue on like this or to leave, that's it. Don't ever think your child would be better off in the middle of a loveless relationship with constant arguments. A child needs two happy and loving parents, not two parents living in the same house.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 I don't think staying for the baby is the solution. Not for you and certainly not for the baby.
I think you need to figure out what would be best for you. Because in my book happy mom = happy children.
He is not going to stop any time soon or "get better". He's made a choice to go with porn over you. It will either escalate or just continue, is that what you want for yourself in a partner?
I'm sorry, I think you and the baby are better off without him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 May 2012):
 leaving a man that hurts you will not hurt your daughter. this man is hurting you with his blatant disregard for your needs and desires.
While I don't have a problem with porn, I DO Have a problem with men who disrespect their partners and treat them like handy penis holders...
you have talked to him
you have every right to be treated with respect
my partner uses porn but not teen porn, not live cam, not chat... and never as a replacement for me... I get love and affection and attention...you are not getting any of these things...
I left my first husband when my boys were 5 and 3... my younger son is a great adult (he's 25 now) and has no memories of mom and dad ever living together... and yet he grew up to go to college, get a job and support himself nicely....
IF the ONLY reason you stay is to protect your daughter, I can tell you that older son always said he liked it better when mommy and daddy were not fighting... (i.e. when we did not live together)
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