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female
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anonymous
writes: About 5 or 6 weeks ago I posted a question relating to a guy I had feelings for snorting coke. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and we started to go out regularly. We had a wonderful time every time we saw each other and it was obvious that our feelings where growing fast. He made all kinds of romantic gestures like buying me small tokens, and gazing longingly into my eyes, the works.It was after one of these amazing nights we were getting quite passionate when I found scratches on his back. He told me that he had had sex with someone else the previous weekend. I felt pretty devastated but after talking found out that he was not ready for a serious relationship after coming out of a 10 year followed directly by a 2 year relationship just 5 or 6 months ago. I was upset but eventually after a few days of thinking about it told him I understood and he was delighted I had agreed to see him again. Valentine's night was one of the most romantic nights I've ever experienced in my life thanks to him and I was happy again. I have been trying to give him space but he contacts me less and less now. The last time I saw him was on Saturday night when he turned up at the nightclub I was at and took me and my friends back to his house to meet his friends. They had all heard about me and treated me as if we were together. The next day we made love properly for the first time. I haven't heard from him since, surely this whole thing hasn't just been about him getting me into bed. Help, I'm hurt and confused. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): I didn't see your original posting but am I right to assume he still snorts coke? If he is doing drugs and you are aware of it, I then have to ask why you gave him the 'benefit of the doubt??' Dear, you have to look after yourself because this guy has a substance abuse problem. His first and only love right now is drugs. Nor is this activity always legal. What are the implications of that? He did you a favor, dear. Aside from briefly dating him and having sex, he didn't really let you into his life. Continuing to date him would've caused you to take his pain on yourself. You don't want to spend your time and emotional energy on someone who will use drugs and then likely, always will defend his drug use. Why do that to yourself? If he chooses his drugs, you can choose to spend time with someone else. I hope you will always proceed in life, with your own best interests, clearly in mind, in any relationship you undertake. I am sorry for your confusion and hurt, but strike this loss up as a blessing and go forward. If I am wrong on my assumptions, please write back and let me know. Take care
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