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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I really hope some of you guys can give me pointers on this. I met a great guy a couple of months ago, we spent loads of time together and became very close very quickly. We still kept our independence, however, but really enjoyed the time we spent together (including the fantastic sex!) Everything was going great until a couple of weeks ago, when he suddenly announced that he was worried about getting into a 'really serious' relationship so soon after breaking up with his ex (about eight months ago). I suggested we take a break but he didn't want to do that - in fact he told me that he had fallen for me very quickly and was scared.We spent that night together, but now he's distant again. He has contacted me but I feel a bad feeling in my gut. I sent him some sexy messages the other day and I got pretty average responses. I am concerned that he has lost interest...and I'm the last woman to want to be needy or dependent on someone. So...should I cut my losses now? A couple of things to add:1. His ex dumped him. they were together for almost 8 years.2. When he told me how he felt, I called his bluff and suggested with either be friends or see other people. He said he didn't want either of these.3. He said it had nothing to do with me - just that he has fallen for me quicker than he has anyone...to which, in my drunken state, I replied ' I Love You!' - bad move I know - but he just smiled.4. I have not been overly clingy since - and he was the first to contact me after that, just asking how my weekend was.Any more help appreciated...and yes I know it was bad to reveal my feelings then...but that's something I cannot unfortunately change!
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male
reader, james1980 +, writes (14 September 2006):
Well firstly forget feeling guilty about revealing your feelings, - that's called honesty!!! I know there is sertain games that people need/have to play whilst "dating" but honesty is such a better option. He is just scared of getting hurt by the sounds of it, 8yrs with somone is a long time and to be dumped is very difiicult.
If I were you, i would perservre, keep at it, try not to be clingy but make him feel special and wanted, reasure him that your not out to hurt him, - just keep honest!!
If there is a way for you guys to get away for a few day that would bee worth while, neutral environments are alwasy easier, it soudn like you have a gret sex life so focus on the things that are good, - sex can blow a blokes mind and get him more emotioanlly involved...
Good luck. James xxxx
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