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female
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anonymous
writes: I have gotten myself into a pickle. I have two close friends who used to be a couple. They broke up about a year ago, though they were always more of friends than a romantic couple. I'm not sure how they even lasted as long as they did. They both would tell me how much the other sucked in bed and how unattractive the other was. I advised both of them to move on and find someone else but I think mostly out of fear of change, nothing really happened except lots of bickering. It was hard to be around them and this lasted nearly a year. Unbeknown to me, the male in this couple began to fall in love with me. The female was spending less and less time with each of us, always filling her schedule with social activities or partying. We are both more of a homebody so it made sense that we were home cooking, watching movies or going for long walks. We became very close, sharing a lot of our past. I started to feel like I had a crush on him but I immediately dismissed the idea bc he had dated my friend. I knew she would never be okay with me dating him so I just ignored it. A few months later he confessed that he was in love with me. They were still together at this point so I told him he was crazy and needed to first break up with her, and not bc of me. I didn't want to be the reason. Later he told me it was her idea to tell me that he loved me and that she'd been telling him for a while he would be better with me. So they broke up but remained living together. He and I began a romantic relationship. There was so much chemistry and spark! The sex was and is amazing. We are so compatible in so many ways. I thought that he was over his ex at this point and I figured she was over him too. She knew about us but was completely raged about it. She said that if we ever got married she would destroy our wedding. She also vowed to sabotage our relationship. I found out months later that he was still hooking up with her very rarely. He basically said he only needs sex maybe once every 6 months so he was trying to keep her happy. I was upset and felt betrayed by my lover and also my friend. I had the respect not to sleep with him until after they had broken up but she was doing this behind my back. I also didn't get why they would continue this relationship when they both didn't enjoy sex with each other.So now its been a year and I'm just not happy with all the circumstances. I am totally in love with him and I feel like we'd be a really great couple, given the chance. He hides the fact that anything goes on between he and I. Even though everyone pretty much knows it, he feels the need to keep hiding it. I know that sometimes he will sleep in her bed and I don't know if that includes sex. I've told him that if he is sleeping with her that I'm done. I will not be in some weird 3-some relationship. I don't like that they still live together. It's totally bizarre. They are my neighbors so if he moves it will also change how much I see him. he comes over every day and we eat dinner together and watch TV at night. Sometimes she joins us and sometimes she doesn't. She always wants me around though! Recently he blurted out that he doesn't want to marry me. He also said bc of how we started that it doesn't feel right and he likes to do things right. I begged him in the beginning to do things right bc of this very thing. I feel devastated. He said if he moves out he will need to be alone. I asked if he thinks we'll never be a couple and he said he didn't know it was just how he felt right now. I asked if he cared about losing me and he said he did and he cared a lot about me. he also said he didn't understand how a guy hadn't scooped me up yet bc I'm so amazing. :-( I don't get why he doesn't. Am I just stupid to keep this up? Should I just walk away? I can't imagine not seeing him every day and can't imagine not being with him anymore. I told him it probably wasn't healthy for me to be with him since he was just not that into me and he said that was nonsense and that he wanted to see me. What do I do? thoughts? advice? Thanks.
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broke up, crush, his ex, move on, spark, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Dont walk away, RUN!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. It's really hard to walk away. I've started with just making myself unavailable. I've been really straight forward with him and with her too. I guess it's just another one that bites the dust. What kills me is how great this could be if he could just grow up and move on.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Not stupid, no, you are just hooked into a bad situation and cant see your way out of it.
I dont know what this guy is up to but he surely isn't showing you any respect, as for his sleeping in her bed occassionally, but not knowing if they have sex or not, guess what! I would put money on them having sex!
This whole three way relationship thing is not healthy, you ask if you should just walk away, I think you should.
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