A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused, can someone help me make sense of all of this. I dated my boyfriend for 14 months he is 22 and I'm 23. He has always been so much more immature than me and we used to fight a lot over his lying and being inconsiderate and selfish a lot of the time and we broke up a few times but got back together shortly after. However about two months ago he changed all of a sudden and became so loving and caring towards me and I fell even more inlove with him, accepting him for all his faults and loving him for who he was. He also stopped lying to me and was treating me with a lot more respect. Then out of the blue a week ago he broke up with me and told me he didn't love me anymore and the spark was gone, he wasn't attracted to me anymore and he wasn't ready for a commitment. The weekend before he broke up with me he looked at me with loving eyes and told me I was his beautiful girl and that he loved me so much and he was so excited to see me and never wanted to leave me. He also had sex with me and it was really great sex he was so happy afterwards and kept talking about it. And I also don't believe I'm ugly as his family and friends were always saying how the hell did someone like you get a girl like that... And I also got along with his friends as they said to him that he should bring me more often as I was fun. Now to add to all of this the weekend before I also woke up to find him crying at 4am because he missed his friends and they weren't inviting him out anymore and didnt seem to have time for him. I'm just so confused I have made no contact with him but we go to uni together and are in the same class. My heart is completely broken and right now we are on holidays but in 2 weeks I have to start seeing him again and I'm so scared it will destroy me. I also got a phone call from a private number at 4am this morning which has never happened to me in years, I picked up and said hello a few times then eventually they hung up. I have a feeling it was him just because not many people know my phone number since I got a new one. I just can't read his mind at all and I feel like I don't even know who he is anymore. What's going on here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): He is confused and doesn't know what he wants. This is just another symptom of his immaturity. Loving one minute, and out of love the next. You don't deserve to have to go through this.
For your sake, he tried to do everything you wanted him to; and say all the right things. He couldn't keep it up. It was all fake. He just wanted to prove you were wrong about him. Just for the sake of argument. That's the game some jokers play. He had you fooled. It's easy to pretend; but hard to keep it up.
It may have been him on the other end of the phone when you received that call at 4:00am. He was alone with his conscience; and guilt crept into his heart. He just wanted to hear your voice to soothe him to sleep. That's all. He missed you. He knows he can't keep up that performance before the breakup.
You have to let go. This is not going to be easy. Try to accept that breakup; and initiate the difficult and emotional process of getting over him, and moving on.
The problem with your particular type of breakup; is that you will be doomed to repeat the whole scenario, if you try to get him back. He just doesn't have his act together.
He isn't mature enough for a serious and committed relationship. He lacks what it takes right now. His friends abandoned him for a reason. They knew before-hand he was planning to breakup with you. They didn't like the idea.
You will never make sense of this situation; because it doesn't make sense. He just isn't ready to provide you with what you're looking for in a man.
Start reading all you can on how to get on after a breakup.
Don't stand still trying to make sense of nonsense. It will paralyze you, and interfere with the long and laborious process of getting over your break up and moving on.
Maintain no contact. He will vacillate back and forth. Every time he feels lonely, he'll call or text you. You have to be strong and get on with your life, or you will hang in emotional limbo; trying to figure out why he changed and then dumped you. He didn't change, he put on an act to make you feel it was your fault that you broke up.
It's not. You were right about him.
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