A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together about 2.5 years and we've had a very bumpy start and mid. At the beginning of the relationship, he wasn't even sure he wanted to date me, but we somehow just started dating. Then, after about 9 months, we moved in which each other and over time, it started to wear down on us. We began fighting a lot and I just felt so miserable and hated by the person who was supposed to love me most. I felt ugly, fat, and stupid. Just about every low thing possible, and one night at 3 am we had been fighting for 2-3 hours and we broke up and he went to bed. Then, when he went to work, I packed all of my stuff up and left. We didn't talk for a week, but then got back together, agreeing to write a list of everything we need to work on. Then for two months, we fought nonstop. He always blames me for 'liking to fight.' But, I feel like he does things that I can legitly be angry over. Then a week before my birthday, I had this strange feeling to look through his phone and sure enough he was texting a coworker telling her she has a fine ass and how sexy she is. This broke my heart, so we broke up. I found out a week later he had sex with her at least three times (after we broke up) and talked about being with her and 'waiting for her to be ready for a relationship.'Now on to the main part and whole reason for this question: We got back together four months later, and things seem a lot better now, but he still makes me feel less than I should and I don't know if it's him or me. As well, he told me the reason why he started talking to that girl is because we were fighting a lot. So now, I'm fearful that if we fight, he's going to do it again. On top of all that, he lives an hour away now, so I only get to see him 2-3 times a week, and he's in the big city, surrounded by easy targets. We rarely talk when I'm not there and my mind goes haywire as much as I try to calm it. I feel like such a jerk because this guy at work has been giving me a lot of attention and I feel good again. We haven't done anything, and said anything out of line. But, nothing is going wrong in our relationship now and I just feel sad and so afraid of what will happen again.
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at work, broke up, co-worker, got back together, moved in, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): Leave your phone on the table and let him snoop through your phone and see all the attention the other guy is giving you. Sometimes, men need to see that what they have at home, if they dont take care of it, someone else will.
He really won't have a viable argument since you haven't done anything and he was texting that girl before. Also, don't take your self esteem from what he says or doesn't say. Let that come from you. If you aren't happy with your looks, you work on it. Motivate yourself! :)
If all else fails, and he keeps up; let him go. There's plenty of fish out there. :)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Do the right thing and break up with your boyfriend. You can have a list to work on but the desire to be in a relationship is based on a feeling, and that feeling is a glue to both of you, and it's not something you can work on. Your man should be proud of you and stand up for you. It sounds like your soon to be ex was staying with you out of guilt, and did not know how to break things off besides being a jerk.
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