A
male
age
36-40,
*nthony8403
writes:Hi, i've known this girl for about 6-7 weeks now, I met her through a mutual acquaintance at a bar as she liked my friend. Anyway, we got on really well and had things in common professionally and personally and didn't think much of it at the time but she sat very close and was touching and stroking my arm all night, so i took it as a sign of interest. Anyway, I added her on social media and as the senior professional in what we did I was friendly saying how nice it was to meet her and if she needs any help with her career development then she can ask me for advice. From then she was very receptive and we exchanged messages throughout the week but only that, as i found out she was in a relationship and when my mate did some digging she had been in this relationship for nearly 4 years and it become an unhappy relationship as he was very controlling. From this point I got to know her platonically so i wanted to see what the deal was as I liked her personality. After messaging and some good news regarding her work situation we met her and her friends at the weekend for a night out to celebrate, we had a good time, danced, we got touchy feely and I told her that i knew she was in relationship but I really liked her, she didn't give me a reply but in the end told me what I knew from my friend's digging about her bf but didn't push it any further. We went back to her friend's and cuddled intimitely for the rest of the night but with others around i didn't push it further. After further messaging for a week I tried to meet her one to one on a date but she was reluctant to say yes as she had the bf situation or no as well as i found she wanted to take thing slow with me so I backed off. The following week it was my birthday so we met up with small group of friends during the week to celebrate and again we cuddled, talked and whispered to each other intimitely, getting to know each other more, from this point i knew their was chemistry between us and we organised to meet a couple days later with her mate and mine on like a double date, I say that as my friend wasn't interested in her friend as gf material but liked her company and so played as a wingman. Anyway we had good time and a few drinks and on the way home i kissed her and she recipricated, we couldn't take our hands of each other from then on, we was going to drop them off at home but we didn't want it to end so she invited us to her place even though she had her parent asleep upstairs. We didn't take it further we just carried on as we where and that was enough as I still wanted to respect her situation but give her food for thought that she could have something more with me. This helped her decide she could meet me one to one and feel comfortable with me. We met the next day and she talked personably as well as i did. We got a coffee, talked and that was it. From then the next two days got hot over the phone as she couldn't stop thinking about the kiss and texted all night our sexual desires to the point we needed to meet up to spend time together one to one the next day. Knowing her situation I still wanted to go further but out respect i didn't instigate it as I felt she had to make that decision and show me the signs she wanted to go further. Plus I myself had parents in that evening so I couldn't take her up to my room and I didn't want our first time to be on the couch or floor. We left each other sexually frustrated and carried on messaging the next couple of days frequently. After that it went a bit cold, something didn't feel right and when we met at the weekend she was very stand offish, i didn't question it I just played along as she might have been feeling guilty with bf situation. A week had gone since we last met up one on one and we texted about what we was gonna do over the holidays which i wasn't get much of a reply. I then questioned her what had changed over the last 7 days? I got no reply and we all met up that evening which was awkward and uncomfortable. Weeks had gone on and she still wanted to hang out from that point and from time to time liked to cuddle and flirt but im bamboozled to what has happened? At one point I thought we ended it as she admittedher relationship had strained and wanted to give it ago but she still instigated a meet up through her friend with me and my friends, only through my ok that my friends agreed. I've since heard rumours flying around about her sleeping with other guys, it was to this point I told her not contact me as she has messed with my head long enough and she can't be straight up with me and have an adult conversation about this thing between us. Since this has happened she and her friend got drunk have come out and in front of me kissed another guy, at this point her boyfriend was out too and witnessed her infidelity and since then have broken up. Even though i know it probably be a bad idea to go there and most my friends dislike her for what she did. I understand she was confused but I still feel like i want to salvage this especially now she is single. At least take her on that date, learn what happened after we got so intimate. As far I know, she hadn't cheated prior to me, it just triggered a chain of bad decisions from her. Why can't this be enough to forget about her??? What do I do if anything? My head is screwed up, this isn't right amongst friends of the opposite sex, so what did she get out of it??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): You are trying very hard not to give the impression that you're not thinking with your smaller head. You seem most intrigued by her sexual-prowess. You did a lot of digging and prying. Listening to a lot of talk about her.
You even did some digging behind her back, and got yourself a rundown on her background and reputation. Then you went on to conspire and disrespect her relationship; with cuddling and kissing. All the while playing the cool respectful guy. You were as bad as the other guys, knowing she had a boyfriend and was cheating on him. She'll do the same to you!
Simply put, all you've done is try and get your opportunity to have sex with her. You figured she'd be easy, based on your foreknowledge of the condition of her relationship, her alleged behavior with other men, and a presumption you have an almost certain chance to get a piece of the action.
No matter how dignified you tried to describe this connection you are trying to make, it was founded on cheating on her boyfriend. You were acting on your prejudgment of her reputation for infidelity, and you were being an opportunist. Like the rest of them.
If your intentions are honorable; you may want to wait until she has had a few months to completely get that old relationship out of her system. You never got to have sex with her, and the anticipation of achieving that goal may be your primary motivation. Stop and wait.
Make sure she is emotionally available. Make sure you can handle her propensity to be unfaithful. In addition to that; make sure your approach includes logic, and isn't grounded on opportunism and sexual-titillation; because you think getting her into the sack will be easy. How can you respect someone you know publicly cheats on her boyfriend? Shouldn't that give you pause?
I don't think you'll be happy with this woman beyond being friends with benefits. Even that would be an unholy-alliance fraught with confusion and jealousy. She has issues, and you should take the opinion of your friends into some account.
I just don't see the logic in trying to establish anything substantive and meaningful with someone you've painted such a dark picture of? Pardon my frankness, no disrespect is intended. I simply see you standing in the path of a speeding freight-train.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (12 April 2015):
 You say you have known this girl for 6-7 weeks... so not even two months.
In that time you have seen her cheat on her then-boyfriend twice (once with you, once with the guy she was kissing in front of you) and you've also heard rumors of even more cheating with even more guys.
What about this situation makes you think this is NOT a pattern of behavior on her part?
She got attention, which is what she wanted from you and most likely all the others as well. Looking for a second chance with her is essentially you begging for a second chance to be the boyfriend getting cheated ON instead of the side guy she is cheating WITH. Your friends dislike her? Of course they do. They see all the red flags in this situation and they don't want to see you get hurt!
I don't mean to be harsh, but you have dodged a bullet here, however pretty a package it might have been disguised in. Let this girl go sleep her way through all the beds that will have her, and hold out for someone who's more respectful of their commitments. You deserve that.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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