A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a LDR with a great guy for a bit over a year and were friends for a few years before hand. We have a close relationship and I trust him a lot. Whenever we spoke about ending the distance, he said he would move to where I live and planned on doing so at the start of this year. It makes more sense for him to move as I have to remain here for at least another 2 years due to my work contract / studies which are non-flexible while he has the more flexible job. But he no longer wants to move because he likes his current job and it seems like he is choosing work over us. He even said that work comes first. Is this a red flag? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 April 2015):
 He was supposed to move 4 months ago and now he's changing his mind... what was he doing to get ready for the move?
If he was not updating his resume (CV) and looking for a new job then he was just giving you lip service.
You have two choices..
1. wait him out
2. end it.
When my husband and I were first dating and we were NSA/FWB on top of it... we were two hours apart by car.
within a year of us starting to date and less than a year after we got serious, he gave up his apartment of ten years, and moved to be with me. He lost his job shortly after (he telecommuted and they didn't want to deal with him living in a different state)
In my experience, NOTHING will keep a man from the woman he loves.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): Ditto to the anonymous female reader's advice.
He has clearly made a choice for his job, and he changed his mind about moving. So, you should set your job and studies at the same level of priority. You'd lose money knowing your studies are non-flexible; and breaking your work-contract may not get you a good job-reference or recommendation from your employer.
I suspect he never had any intention of leaving, and told you what you wanted to hear. Now that you're becoming more serious about ending the LDR for something closer, he's takes a different stance. If absolutely necessary, the move should be made by the one who stands to suffer the least losses; and has the most condusive situation to relocate. Moving-costs and job-availability being the utmost-factors. Love rarely survives severe financial-distress and extended unemployment.
There is one point I don't agree. It doesn't necessarily mean you don't come first. He has to face the realities of his financial-situation, and if the strength of the foundation of your relationship warrants uprooting his life and giving up his only livelihood at this particular place in time.
You seem in the middle of things. Maybe you should postpone things until you finish school and your contract with the job is up. Then you both can consider meeting each other halfway through compromise.
I do agree with you in the sense that this is possibly a red-flag. When people make an about-face on something they said they'd do at the most critical-time, you should proceed with serious caution. Maybe he has faced the in-depth realities you've yet to reason through.
You should carefully weigh the pros and cons of relocating for the sake of an LDR. It has to be a pretty strong relationship with almost certainty of marriage in the horizon, and shouldn't even be considered until you are officially-engaged. If you want to be practical about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): Cut it. Cut him fast, cut him loose.
In an ideal world-we get it all. But in the real world- we have to make hard choices.
He has already made his. You don't come first in his world.
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