A
male
age
41-50,
*lory_b
writes:I'm a 25 year old guy. I met this girl when I was 21 and it was love at first sight. We worked together and eventually she left her boyfriend so she could start seeing me. She was everything I wanted; cute, smart, funny, loved me to pieces. I had her on a pedestal and would constantly be making things for her, driving hours from my college to her university, sneaking visits whenever we could. It wasn't without complications and stresses, but in reality nothing is perfect. To me it was bliss.We started having fights close to our second year anniversary. I was graduating and stressed about what I was supposed to do after graduation, she was going through something similar. Our fights were really impersonal for the most part, but there are times when I realize I said things I couldn't take back. I'm no angel.We broke up abruptly after a week of intense fighting. She seemed like a different person. Suddenly she had these huge complaints against me. I started feeling like I was this horrible person and didn't know it until she pointed it out. All my best, which was flawed but my heart was in the right place, didn't matter anymore.She went and told mutual friends she was afraid I'd lose my temper and beat her some day. Then she disappeared for good. I haven't had any contact with her since then. No closure, replies to emails, or anything.No, I've never abused or beaten anyone in my life. I don't have any rage problems and have never been such an evil asshole as to deserve that kind of rap. She was the kind of person who needed sympathy to get through life. She'd tell me about how awful her family was, even though they were the nicest people. I'd give her sympathy. She told me she was addicted to it. So I'm assuming when she wanted to break up she decided to play the victim angle.I've mostly forgiven her for it. It scared the shit out of me that a girl could throw such heavy accusations towards a guy who's never done anything of the sort in his life. The fact that she told other people, but kept a pleasant front up in front of me feels like there was some sort of mistake and it wasn't really her saying this.I've had other girlfriends since her. My last girlfriend did the same thing, and I felt like I was living in some sort of bad dream. Except instead of telling other people, she told me, "remember that time you told me to go home because you were so mad you thought you'd slap me? remember that time you told me to jump out of a moving vehicle?"Neither happened. She was crazy. She'd cheated on me, I was trying to break up with her, that's what she came at me with.Anyway, sorry for the scattered thoughts but behind it all, I feel like I've been crushed. I've been a nice, quiet guy my entire life -- always really friendly to everyone. I'm not perfect or above the stupid arguments other couples have over nothing. But I've never hit anyone, or beaten anyone, or abused a girlfriend. How did I manage to get falsely accused of this twice? Is this something crazy girls do?I've talked to all my friends about this, girls and guys. They all understand and are on my side but I can't shake this feeling of being defeated. And the really messed up thing is that I still miss my ex from years ago. Remember, she didn't accuse me of anything to my face. She was sweet to me until a day before we broke up, then suddenly it was like some one else stepped in.How do you forget and move on? How do you like yourself again after the person you loved the most turned the tables on you like that?
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anniversary, broke up, cheated on me, crush, miss my ex, move on, my ex, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (7 January 2009):
 Like GrimmReality said and ill say it too: "Success is the best revenge!" some day they will look at you and kick themselves for being so immature and losing you.
Kick ass and make a life so damn good the'll be wishing they never did those things.
About your dad, its known that somtimes if a child has not built a good relationship with him it can potentially have an effect on the children in later stages of life. Not to worry though, im sure you'll do a much better job when you have kids and meet that top lady - it will happen.
A
male
reader, glory_b +, writes (7 January 2009):
glory_b is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSeems like the only way to deal with a crazy chick is to laugh her off. Guess that's where I went wrong, letting them get to me. If I knew what they were saying was nuts I should've been more pissed and less beaten down. Otherwise they call the shots. And they're not mentally fit for that.
To answer Griffo, not much of a relationship with my dad. He was one of those guys who had to get older to shake his demons. He's not a bad guy but was on my case a lot growing up, angry and liked to pin problems on other people. He's not like that anymore so much but I wasn't close to him all growing up.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (6 January 2009):
Well you might not like this mate but i'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around. Remember your first girl? She was with another guy right? Well as you said she broke it off with him to be with you. I don't now about him but i bet it really hurt him. You'll never really know, but i believe the sam doom (hurt) has come to you because you probably did it to someone else.
You seem like a really nice bloke, those girls are just playing stupid immature games and its apart of growing up i had a girl that did that to me once when i was 25 and pissed my self laughing at her, i was rolling on the floor in stitches!!! Even her mum was laughing! Anyway she left in harmonious embarrassment.
Anyway... what about your dad? tell us do you have a good relationship with him?
When you get to thirty most single girls are looking for what you are mate, a nice, quiet guy that has his head screwed on (maybey you should date an older woman). But I just want to give you some advice... You do need to toughen up a little bit, arguments are normal in any relationship its actually healthy (drama makes stories stronger) don't tell the next girl about what happened in your past relationships.
Seriously mate you know thats not who you are so ignore it, move on, and find another lady, have a good think back about the relationship and have a good laugh about it over a few beers with some mates.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 Move On Down The Road.....It seems like it's the closure issue thats what is eating at you. You ask yourself whether or not you will have a chance to quizz her to her face as to why she shot these accusations and then dropped off the face of the Earth? Why you cant just see her one more time, and perhaps somehow reason with her?
As sad as it sounds, You are better off without her. The best thing for you to do is finish school and go on and LIVER YOUR LIFE!
anyway, nothing spells REVENGE like living and being sucessful!
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (6 January 2009):
 Wow! That is some crazy stuff.
Do those two girls know each other?
You will never forget things like that but the thing is, can you actually forgive them for doing so?
If what they are saying isn't true, you have nothing to worry about. However, it can damage your reputation.
Maybe being in a relationship should be on hold until the time is right for you. Concentrate on what's important....college.
Good luck!!!
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