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They were each other's 'first'. Is that why she can't leave him?

Tagged as: Cheating, Friends, Long distance, Love stories<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 November 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 15 November 2008)
A male United States age 41-50, *azednconfsed writes:

I've been seeing this girl for a year and a half. We met as co-workers, starting hanging, out and developed feelings for each other. Now we both think of each other as best friends. Now, i love her as a friend and I'm very in love with her.the thing is; when that happened she was in a long distance relationship with someone in another country for a year. I feel horrible, but it all happened unexpectedly.

They were both from the same country and have known each other for years. they were also close friends. she moved to the states about 10 years ago, but theyve kept in contact and eventually became a couple but started being a couple long distance.

Within their first year, theyve had breaks up and eventually her and i started having feelings for each other. Least to say, she cheated on him with me. they were also each others first everything which makes it hard for her to get over him. throughout our relationship, shes broken up with and gotten back with him at least 2 within the year and the last 8 months shes been single until a couple of days ago.

It seems like she can't make up her mind at times, shes always hot and cold. She said shes tried to get over him but can't and she still loves him. but after a couple of weeks or months, she'll come back to me. She's told me she's fallen for me in the past. i guess i just dont get her.

Is she really in love with him or is she in a state of delusion because thats her first? is that why she can't seem to get over him and keeps getting back with him even though hes in another country? she swears they soul mates but how? i just dont know what to do..

View related questions: best friend, co-worker, long distance, soul mates, soulmate

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2008):

I think you need to force her into a decision. A the moment she has you both and that is a hard habit to kick.

Tell her that you can't deal with this any more and that you are cutting contact with her. If she decides to be with you and splits with her ex FOR GOOD, then she can get in touch.

Then try and move on.

If it is meant to be then she will come after you.

Good Luck!! xx

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